Entering into the Realm of “the Other”:
A Few Suggestions for Crossing Boundaries of Human Difference

by
Juan C. Moreno
Office of Diversity and Inclusion
University of Minnesota Extension Service

“I do not want my house to be walled on all sides or my windows to be stuffed. I want the cultures of all lands to be blown about my house as freely as possible. But, I refuse to be blown off my feet by any.” --Mohandas K. Gandhi

“All real living is meeting.” --Martin Buber

“Je’ est un autre.”: “The ‘I’ is an other.” --Rimbaud

“Abandon all hope you who enter.” --Dante Alighieri, Inferno, III, 9

“Some travelers want to go to foreign places but are dismayed when the places turn out actually to be foreign.” --Margaret Atwood

“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” --T.S. Eliot

“A society without strangers would be impoverished; to live only among ourselves, constantly inbreeding, never facing an outsider to make us question again and again our certainties and rules, would inevitably lead to atrophy. The experience of encountering a stranger--like the experience of suffering--is important and creative; provided we know when to step back.” --Elie Wiesel

“…but you have no need to go anywhere--journey within yourself.” --Rumi, 13th century Sufi poet

“No journey carries one far unless, as it extends into the world around us, it gives us equal distance into the world within.” --Lillian Smith

“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow mindedness.” --Mark Twain

The changing demographic characteristics of our society as well as the increasingly global nature of all enterprises are rapidly propelling all of us into ever more frequent close encounters of the cultural kind with persons quite dissimilar from ourselves. We are largely unprepared to adequately cope with this quiet, but significant, revolution taking place in our society and our world. As a consequence, we must be willing develop new standards of conduct that can assist us in dealing with this important shift occurring before our very eyes. One of the critical aspects of human difference is, of course, the phenomenon of culture.

Human beings are all basically the same. We all belong to a single family--the human family. Additionally, we all share a common humanity and a common house--the earth. Yet, paradoxically, we are also profoundly different. Our cultural environments, to a large extent, establish this fundamental difference. Culture provides us with the blueprint that determines the way individuals, in a given group, think, feel, and behave. Any meaningful cultural changes at the micro or macro levels must, therefore, take into account all of these crucial elements.

We must shatter the idea that culture exists primarily at the level of nation-state. The phenomenon of culture manifests itself in every conceivable human grouping. Indeed, every person belongs to many cultures and co-cultures simultaneously and, as a consequence, every human interaction is, in fact, a multicultural interaction. This new definition obviously increases the complexity of the concept of culture exponentially. We do not have to go to the proverbial Japan in order to experience “culture shock.” A simple extended visit with our own neighbors can produce just as accurate a glimpse into this uniquely human phenomenon.

In the human experience, culture resides within the continuum of groups to which we belong: from the family, however we define family (nuclear, extended, single parent, blended, orphanage, etc.), at one extreme to the planet at the other. In fact, when we enter into intimate relationships with “others,” who obviously possess their own “familial” cultures, much conflict arises over such mundane things as to which way to hang the toilet paper or squeeze the toothpaste. At the other end of the cultural spectrum, at the beginning of the twenty-first century we are, because of tremendous technological advances, quickly moving towards a world where we are increasingly able to communicate with everyone residing on planet earth. This communication and transportation revolution is rapidly enabling us to create, for the very first time in human history, the beginnings of a planetary culture. Progress in this regard is paradoxically about both gains and losses. The down side of this inevitable megatrend is that as we are on planet earth in danger of losing both fauna and flora, so are we in danger of losing a multitude of languages and cultures (approximately five every year according to some estimates). This irreversible loss is obviously leading to the permanent loss of valuable insights and accesses into the realities of others. We are all poorer because of this.

Among the many characteristics of culture, it can be said that it is a basic form of group identity deeply rooted in our survival instinct. Culture is learned behavior and an evolutionary adaptation to accommodate for environmental conditions. Culture is shared meaning that defines the boundaries of a group of people. Culture is a dynamic system that changes continuously. Culture is an essential element of being human; it is part of our basic group identity and our inherent need for community. Culture provides us with a sense of belonging and a feeling of peoplehood that develops within each of the multiple groups with whom we affiliate.

Cultural differences need not lead to violence or destructive outcomes. Pluralistic societies make ideological and institutional arrangements that encourage, appreciate, and celebrate cultural diversity and that channel conflict and hostilities in creative ways such as elections, arbitrations, negotiations, compromises, mediations, reconciliations, etc. Pluralistic societies are not only plausible; they are in fact a reality on planet earth.

What follows are some suggestions to be considered as we prepare ourselves for the inevitable cultural encounters that we are likely to find along the journey into the realm of “the other.” “Others,” as defined here, represent any individual or group that “I” consider different from myself and the groups to which “I” belong.

1. One of the most common sayings in this regard is the old proverb: “When in Rome, do as the Romans do.” A word of caution is extremely important here: we should not attempt to “pass” as a local or as “the other.” It is important for the visitor to know herself or himself well before entering into the realm of “the other” and, therefore, behave at all times, not so much as the Romans, as with a great deal of integrity, dignity, and authenticity. One of the paradoxical benefits of immersion experiences into the realm of “the other” is, of course, the opportunity it presents for us not only to learn about others but also, in the process, about ourselves.
2. Another common saying in this area is the Native American proverb: “Don't judge your brother until you have walked a mile in his moccasins.” Perhaps the greater wisdom of this ancient adage resides in the very realization that it represents an impossibility, since we can never fully walk in someone else's shoes. Encounters with strangers are inherently flawed and incomplete, no matter how long we remain in their company. Because communication-- the basis of all human relationships--is imperfect, so is our ability to build authentic community with each other. In fact, communication is the source of all misunderstandings. As a consequence, we must enter into the realm of “the other” with a certain humility that grows out of a deep realization that we are merely visitors and cultural tourists in their midst who possess the ability and capacity to leave at any time. This reality alone makes it impossible for us to ever fully understand what it is like to reside permanently in the realm of “the other.” Perhaps the most we can expect from the encounter is a small glimpse into the realities of others, and that should prevent us from ever making sweeping generalizations about the nature of “the other.” Furthermore, even if we decide to stay indefinitely, we will quickly realize that we will never fully understand, as a native would, the profoundly unique nuances of the stranger’s worldview.
3. Every human encounter presents us with the opportunity to learn and grow. We must, however, enter into the spaces of another with the attitude that in the educational enterprise, we are both teachers as well as learners to one another. Education is fundamentally a reciprocal enterprise. The economically poor, for example, have much to teach us about the nature of wealth and poverty, about the difference between being and having, about the trappings of consumerism and material pursuits, about the value of family, community, hospitality, and simplicity. Soon, upon reflection, we begin to realize that the economically poor are, in many respects, profoundly rich. We also begin to recognize that there is nothing romantic about being economically poor because, for many, life is indeed difficult. Through the encounter, we also begin to appreciate the profound complexities behind economic wealth and economic poverty and slowly recognize the tenuous relationship that exists, at best, between working hard and accumulating wealth.
4. While in the realm of another, we must also temper our natural tendency to want to do something for “these people,” to want to help, save, advise, expose, give, fix, heal, solve, convert, or control. What “others” need, above all, is understanding (to stand under) and a mutual commitment to our collective liberation and transformation. Real change, in most instances, will require more than a quick fix or a simple contribution on our part. More often than not, it will require a willingness to transcend daily from the duality of US and THEM to the commonality of WE and OURS and this kind of solidarity may very well be more than the price we are willing to pay. Perhaps the biggest challenge we collectively face, when entering into the neighborhood of others, is overcoming and transcending the great human divide of the US and THEM in order to come across to the reality of the WE and OURS. And perhaps the greatest lesson we can possibly learn from the encounter is the realization that the beginning of injustice is the illusion of separateness whereas the beginning of justice is the reality of relatedness.
5. We need to find persons who can act as our cultural informers, brokers, intermediaries, and interpreters of a different reality. We should not expect everyone, however, to be automatically willing to serve in these capacities. In fact, the responsibility for learning about “others” should always reside with us. “Others” are generally already overburdened with this expected and assumed responsibility in many societal institutions, that they may not be ready or willing to take on another case and educate us about themselves or, they may not consider themselves competent enough on the subject matter simply because they happen to be members of a particular group. We should also be aware that certain dynamics of internalized oppression, present within many individuals as well as groups, may make some “others” less-than-competent teachers because they can continue to perpetuate stereotypes and myths about their own groups that have no basis in reality. The roles of cultural informers and interpreters are usually undertaken by persons with a specific calling for this sort of work, because they are themselves bridge-builders in their respective communities.
6. We need to be prepared to have every one of our senses challenged by the new sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and contacts while in the realm of “the other.” We need to take along fresh equipment in order to record these experiences with new eyes, ears, noses, mouths, and skins. As with the other senses, while in the neighborhoods of “the other,” we must allow our hearts to train our eyes about what and how to see. The unbalancing nature of close encounters with human difference is perhaps the place where the greatest potential for learning occurs because it is here where the action is, where we are often called to use all of the resources at our disposal, both analytical and intuitive, in new and different ways. It is here also where serendipity and miracles happen. It is here where reflection and journaling are of particular importance in making sense out of the multiple realities being perceived as well as making the experience much more meaningful to us.
7. We must be willing to allow all of our ways of knowing to inform our reality. The idea that knowledge is acquired only through the senses and through reason must be expanded to also include such elements as: indigenous knowledge, intuition, feelings, compassion, empathy, wisdom, body, care, heart, spirit, and others.
8. In interpreting and evaluating the new realities being perceived while in the realm of “the other,” we must be aware of the natural tendency to see (or touch, smell, hear, taste, etc.) only what we want to see. We must be willing to transcend stereotypes and generalizations about others that keep us imprisoned in boxes of our own creation. Paradoxically, however, all stereotypes have a kernel of truth buried within them, making them much more difficult to dismiss completely.
9. We need to keep a healthy sense of humor. We need to look for the absurdity in the multiple situations that we are likely to encounter in the realm of “the other” and have a willingness to be spontaneous and laugh at ourselves, our relative ignorance, or our uninformed behavior.
10. We need to maintain a faithfully positive attitude. We must be optimistic and discipline ourselves to focus realistically on the good points of our visit while trying not to dwell on the problems that we are likely to encounter. Murphy's Law (whatever can go wrong will) tends to operate overtime, from our limited perspectives, while in the realm of “the other.”
11. We should be open-minded. We must be prepared to experience varying degrees of difference. If we expect familiarity, we should stay within our comfort zone at home. We ought to feel privileged to have the opportunity to see with new eyes and absorb the experience as a sponge and not a judge.
12. We need to be patient and flexible. These are perhaps the greatest virtues of any accomplished traveler into the realm of “others.” The competent person on these journeys learns to ad-lib and confront each challenge gracefully. We have to be artists in taking the unexpected in stride. We have to learn to ride the waves and enjoy the uncertainties, ambiguities, and chaos--and have fun. Paraphrasing Dom Helder Camara, the former archbishop of Recife, Brazil: we need to learn to accept surprises and allow the unexpected to upset our plans, to give a different turn to our days, and--who knows--maybe even our lives. This is yet another, often unrecognized, gift of the journey into the realm of “the other.”
13. We should try to keep things simple. We would do well to follow the example and go on our sojourns and pilgrimages into the uncharted territory of “others” more like Mahatma Gandhi--with simple clothes, open eyes, and an uncluttered mind.
14. We must stop, look, and listen. We need to be “fully present” in the company of others and pay attention with all of our senses. Active listening for understanding and learning is yet another critical skill in this regard, as is the capacity for meticulous observation. By listening deeply, we can hear each other into speech while in the neighborhoods of “the other.” We also have to keep in mind that certain questions are in the public realm while others are in the private domain. In this context, silence can be a powerful communicator of respect, a key ingredient in close encounters of the human kind. The practice of not speaking unless one is able to improve significantly upon the silence is a valuable suggestion in this regard. When language fails, as it does so often in the various “Towers of Babel” that we have created for each other, it is silence that can hold us, gently, together as well as separate. We can practice all of these skills in all of our daily human interactions.
15. As much as possible, we should also be willing to "fully unpack" while in the realm of others in order to better empathize with the triumphs as well as tragedies of their situation. To begin to call a place home often requires a realization of the reciprocal nature of the allegiance that unfolds between the person and the place. The person gives allegiance to the place in exchange for the place providing a sense of affiliation, support, inclusivity, community, and belonging. When this occurs, one begins in effect to live within the paradox of homeness (local) as well as homelessness (nomad)--a crucial and necessary passage towards authentic global citizenship. A passage that is ultimately about developing the capacity for being and feeling at home, with integrity, anywhere in the world. In this manner, we are truly from neither here nor there, but from everywhere. Additionally, our potential for establishing community is expanded to include not only a sense of rootedness but also a sense of routedness--a celebration of place as well as journeys. At present, with the rapid development of transportation and communication technologies, journeys are playing an increasing and unprecedented role in the human condition, thus challenging prevailing notions of home and place. In the U.S. alone, nearly one-fourth of the total population is always on the move and the average U.S. American moves at least ten times in a lifetime. We may, in this regard, be slowly reclaiming our nomadic evolutionary background and legacy as a species.
16. While in the realm of “the other” we should attempt, as much as possible, to affiliate for extended periods of time with “the others” rather than trying, as it would be more natural, to find persons with greater similarities to ourselves and begin establishing enclaves or islands of likeness in the midst of otherness.
17. We must come to the realization that, at some point or another in our lives, we are all “others” to somebody. In a paradoxical manner, while in the realm of “the other” we begin to develop a keen awareness of what it is like to be “the other” because, increasingly, we begin to be treated like “others” ourselves, including the expectation of being experts of our own cultural origins and idiosyncrasies. This dynamic should permit us, upon reflection, to learn a great deal about ourselves, about how “others” see us, and about the multiple cultural contexts from which we emanate. Additionally, through this process, we are often faced with the new realization that perhaps the first encounter with difference that we must undertake resides within the deepness and inwardness of our own selves. This requires special attention to the elegant and dynamic interplay of the often-complex dimensions of one’s Biology, History, and Culture--the central sources of all human difference. In this manner, we may even be allowed--by an act of grace--to be witnesses to the sacred, by meeting the ultimate stranger that resides within and thus begin to become familiar with our own unfamiliar souls. It is in the discovery, acceptance, and celebration of this internal diversity, where we find the nobler aspects of our human nature, where we are able to ascertain our own moral compass that points, with consistency, to what is the true north for us. It is here also where we may find the right conditions that elevate us from our animalistic heritage and permit us to encounter “the other,” outside of ourselves, with some measure of oneness, humility, trust, and compassion.
18. Sometimes “others,” out of a disturbing and untangled web of internalized oppression, will assign to us enormous amounts of unearned privilege (advantage) while in their midst. We must be painfully aware of this possible manifestation and respond to its presence from a position of equality and respect. This dynamic can, in many instances, be very rewarding to our egos and we can easily become enamored and blinded by its luring grip upon us. In some circumstances, the opposite may be true and we could be assigned inordinate amounts of prejudice (disadvantage). Again, we must assert our humanity from a position of equality, dignity, integrity, and respect.
19. In the final analysis, entering into the realm of “the other” requires a great deal of courage on our part. We have to be warriors who realize that we cannot close forever the real or metaphorical boundaries and frontiers that we have created for ourselves, anywhere. Borders are there to be violated permanently. That is an inherent element of the human story on planet earth. Furthermore, we are living at a time when communication and transportation technologies are rapidly shattering our illusions of a sense of isolation. People everywhere are on the move. Fear and prejudice are the biggest barriers to community building with the stranger, the outsider, and the alien. Fear is the glue that holds prejudice in place. Among the noble counsels coming from the heart of every great spiritual tradition are these simple words: “Be not afraid.” The words do not say that we are not supposed to have fear rather that we can choose a different place to be from, perhaps a place of mystery, awe, and wonder. We can “be not afraid” even while we have fear. So, what if we just surrender to fear? There are things far greater and far worse than fear. The wonderful quality of human beings is that we can overcome fear, even absolute terror. Fear is like a dark and terrifying dungeon. Once we decide to go bravely into the fear by entering into the gloomy and forbidding dungeon and begin to explore it, we suddenly realize that we can get out of it, that we can go through it and get out. As in the mythical hero’s journey, we may even find that someone is there waiting just for us, to gently and wisely guide us along the way. Finally, and if we are paying close attention, as we get out of our shadowy dungeon we may discover that, as a natural part of life, we see nothing on the horizon but other dark and unfamiliar dungeons, filled with real as well as imagined dragons, and there just waiting to be explored.
20. Thomas Jefferson said, “Travel makes you wiser but less happy.” Journeys into the realm of “others” often and upon reflection, focus on the most important questions of transformation namely: Why?... Why such injustices?... Why me?... Why such privilege?... Why such oppression?... Why such prejudice?... The answers to these questions are likely to make us “less happy,” and that is a good thing. Because, what we are experiencing are the growing pains of a broadening perspective; the breaking-down of tightly held parochial blinders; the grieving of old, empty, and tired ideas, beliefs, and values that have no basis in our newly-acquired reality; the dying to the need to conform in order to be resurrected to the need to transform. Only by venturing into the realm of others can we begin to see the world and ourselves from the perspective of those who are different from us. As a result, we can be challenged in our comfort zones; stretched in our mindsets, worldviews, and realities as well as inspired to personal and societal transformation.

In a nutshell, the process of entering into the realm of “the other” requires of us a willingness to leave, as much as possible, the sandals of our own multiple cultures at the doorstep. It requires of us the capacity to suspend judgment and empty ourselves of the excess baggage of fears and prejudices that prevent us from meeting the other as an equal, while simultaneously preserving the cunning street wisdom of our accumulated knowledge of human nature, for the ground upon which we hope to walk is both holy and unholy. Seasoned sojourners into the realms of others possess highly developed qualities of self-direction, self-knowledge, and self-reflection in addition to flexibility, patience, humor, tolerance, adaptability, and diplomacy. Furthermore, they are comfortable with incompleteness, paradox, uncertainty, ambiguity, instability, and chaos. As we enter into another's cultures and co-cultures we would do well to remind ourselves that what we are experiencing is the accumulated wisdom as well as wickedness of generations. We should, therefore, not be afraid of being barefoot for we may well discover that, at the end of the journey, we could be wearing a new--less gullible and naive--pair of shoes. Bon voyage!

“Those who wander are not necessarily lost.” --Joseph Stine

“Sometime you just have to take the leap and build you wings on the way down.” --Kobi Yamada

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” --Annie Dillard

“The one who returns from a journey is not the same as the one who left.” --Proverb

“I finally figured out that the main reason to be alive is to enjoy it.” --Rita Mae Brown

“The trail is the thing, not the end of the trail. Travel too fast and you miss all you are traveling for.”
--Louis L’amour

“So the journey is over and I am back again, richer by much experience and poorer by many exploded convictions, many perished certainties. For convictions and certainties are too often the concomitants of ignorance…I set out on my travels knowing, or thinking I knew, how men should live, how to be governed, how educated, what they should believe. I had my views on every activity of life. Now, on my return, I find myself without any of these pleasing certainties…The better you understand the significance of any question, the more difficult it becomes to answer it. Those who attach high importance to their own opinion should stay at home. When one is traveling, convictions are mislaid as easily as spectacles, but unlike spectacles, they are not easily replaced.” --Aldous Huxley, 1926

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” --Marcel Proust

“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” --Ralph Waldo Emerson

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