Lesson 8 — Building Self-Esteem in Children

Teaching Guide

  1. Lesson Materials

    1. Teaching guide: Building Self-Esteem in Children

    2. Case Situations

    3. Handout: Helping Children Like Themselves

  2. Preparation for the Lesson

    1. Read the handout before presenting the lesson, perhaps marking or highlighting what you think are the most important points to stress.

    2. Distribute the handout a week or so before the lesson and ask clients to read it in advance (if possible and if it seems appropriate for the client).

  3. Suggested Lesson Outline

    4. Following are some ideas for discussion and activities. In a limited time, you will probably be able to do only one (or part of one) of the activities. Select the ones that you believe will lead to a point you want to stress, that you are comfortable with, and that you believe will interest your clients.

    1. Sharing experiences

      Ask the parents to think about these questions and to share their responses with you (and the group), if they feel comfortable doing so:

      1. Think of something that happened to you as a child that made you feel good (especially about yourself).

      2. Think of something that happened to you as a child that made you feel bad (or unworthy or unimportant).

      3. How has that affected you as an adult?

    2. Discussion: Children's self-esteem

      Here are some questions for the parents to think about and discuss:

      1. Do you agree that before children can like others, they must first be able to like themselves? How can you help your child to like himself/herself?

      2. What kinds of things do you sometimes do that could contribute to your child's lack of trust in you? How does this affect your child's feeling of self-worth?

      3. Think of some of the ways your children differ from each other. How might these differences affect the way they feel about themselves and each other?

      4. In teaching a child a simple task, like putting together a jigsaw puzzle, a father makes remarks such as these: "That's the wrong piece." "What makes you so slow?" "Here, I'll show you." "Do it this way." What would be the effect of these comments? What would be some better things to say?

      5. What are some statements you have heard parents say that embarrass, humiliate, or put down their children? Have you ever said any yourself?

      6. What is your reaction to this familiar statement by TV's Mister Rogers: "I like you as you are, I think you turned out nicely; I like you as you are, exactly and precisely"?

    3. Analysis of case situations

      1. Read one of the case situations to the parents: "The Little League Player," "The Beginning Swimmer," "The Aspiring Fiddler on the Roof," "The Television Kid," or "The Milk Mix-up."

      2. Ask the parents to review and evaluate the situation. Does this sort of thing happen often? Why? Invite them to share similar examples they have seen. In "The Milk Mix-up," which parent reaction maintains the child's self-esteem?

      3. Point out that each of us, in our own way, needs periodically to look at ourselves and ask if we ever "walk away," demand to know when our "dog-paddlers" are going to "learn the backstroke," call a child's ideas "silly," or say insulting things to our children.

      4. Ask the group to list and discuss some other situations or actions that make a child feel put down or that threaten or undermine a child's feelings of self-worth.

      5. Add others they may not have mentioned, for example: nasty scoldings, severe criticisms for mistakes or accidents, ignoring the child, name calling, sarcastic comments, making fun of the child, intense teasing, physical punishment.

      6. Ask the group what self-esteem or feelings of self-worth mean to them—and why it is important.

    4. Review the handout

      1. If the parents have read the handout in advance, ask them what suggestions in the handout might work.

      2. If the parents have not read the handout, review from the handout some of the ways parents and others affect a child's feelings of self-worth.

      3. What other ways can the parents and you add?

      4. For each suggestion, talk over exactly how to apply the idea.

    5. Activity: Fostering/hindering a child's self-worth

      1. Following are exercises to show how adults can hinder or foster the growth of children's feelings of self-worth.

      2. In the first few examples, read the "behavior" and "destructive response" and then ask the parents for a "better response." If they are unable to offer a better response, share one from that column.

      3. For the last two examples, ask the parents to suggest first a "destructive" and then a "better" response.

Exercise: Building Self-Worth in Children
Behavior Destructive Response Response

Peter spills the milk he was carrying to the table. "Can't you ever do anything right?" "That's a hard job. We'll wipe it up and you can try again."

Susan cries in frustration because she can't unscrew the lid on the peanut butter jar.

 "You're too little to do that—let me." "Let's see if we can do it together."

Three year old Jimmy runs away from you in the supermarket. "What's the matter with you? You're acting like a baby; I thought you were a big boy."

 "I need your help in pushing the cart."

  (Ask parents for suggestions)
Stevie, aged four, managed to dress himself this morning. __________________
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 __________________
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Betsy, aged two, became so engrossed in her sandbox that she wet her pants. __________________
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 __________________
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  1. Follow-up/Homework

    1. Encourage the parents to commit themselves to at least one point in the lesson that they will attempt to apply to their relationship with their children. If they and you are comfortable with this, you might have them share this goal with you—in oral or written form. (This could be a good basis for evaluating the lesson.)

    2. Whether or not they share their goal with you at lesson's end, check back with them in two or three weeks about how they did with their goal.

    3. Encourage the parents to take this material home and share it with their spouses, children, or others.

    4. Encourage the parents to continue to think, read, and talk about self-esteem. Listed below are some references that might be of interest to the group.

  2. Application to Nutrition Lessons

    3. Parents can build their child's self-esteem in several ways related to food and nutrition. They can ask their children to help them prepare meals or shop at the grocery store. The children will feel good about themselves and at the same time learn about food and other skills. Remind parents to respect their children's food acceptances and preferences. It is important that parents do not pressure children to eat. If they allow their children to feel secure and valued with their eating, then the children will feel good about themselves and the world.

  3. References

    4. Briggs, Dorothy.Your Child's Self-Esteem. Doubleday, 1970.

    Clark, Jean Illsley. Self-Esteem—A Family Affair. Winston Press, 1978.

    Encouraging Self-Esteem in 3-6 Year Olds: A Guide for Parents. Mental Health Association of Minnesota, 1989.

    Lansky, Vicki. "25 Ways to Make Your Child Feel Special." Working Mother, August 1991, pp. 32-33.

    Satter, Ellyn. How to Get Your Kid to Eat. . . But Not Too Much. Bull Publishing Co., 1987

    Weissbourd, Bernice. "Cultivating Self-Esteem." Parents, January 1992, p. 110.



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