Handout – Hints on Communicating with Children
- Be available. Sometimes children see their parents
as being very busy and not having the time to discuss the child's interest or
problem. Being available means setting aside some time to be with the child so
that the child can open up and discuss concerns and problems.
- Carefully choose a time and place. The time to
discuss a serious matter is not over breakfast as the child is getting ready to
meet the school bus. It is hard to discuss a serious matter with the TV blaring
away. It's also important to have some privacy. Choose a place where you and
the child can be together uninterrupted for a period of time.
- Give undivided attention. Try not to appear hurried—and
above all, be patient. A good occasion to talk may be while driving the child to
an event, when no one else is present.
- Be sensitive to the child's feelings. Every child
who is experiencing a problem or concern has feelings about that concern or
problem. Be sensitive to those feelings and realize that the child may be very
confused inside or may be feeling much hurt because of what's happened.
- Try to identify the feelings. Suggest to the child
that you know that he is hurt by what someone has done or that he feels very
angry about something that has happened. Help him pinpoint those feelings with
words.
- Try to see things from the child's point of view.
Try to remember that the child lacks experience in dealing with other people or
in dealing with new situations. Be understanding. Imagine yourself in the
child's position.
- Avoid any note of ridicule. We may become a bit
impatient when the problem seems quite insignificant—almost silly. As a
parent we must realize, though, that the problem is serious to the child and we
must treat it as such.
- Above all, tell the child when you're finished how
pleased you are that she shared her concerns with you.
Ronald L. Pitzer
Extension Family Sociologist
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