When your children misbehave, guidance tools can help them learn responsibility and at the same time strengthen their self-esteem. Here are some basic tools.
- Explain limits. When your child doesn't understand what you expect, explain your reasons. Make polite requests for changing misbehavior, and be specific and concise. Say, "Please play with the ball outside, not inside, because something might get broken."
- Provide a reminder. When your child forgets a rule, tell him the rule again. Explain what happens if the rule is not followed. For example, you would say to a two-and-a-half-year-old, "Emily, the rule is to hold my hand in the store, or you will need to ride in the stroller." After you have reminded her of this rule, place her in the stroller if she breaks the rule again.
- Provide a hearing. When you are unsure about what happened, ask your child to describe the problem. Then determine how much your child was responsible. Try asking your child to tell you what she thinks is the problem. Talking about the problem may help children think of solutions.
- Be sympathetic to your child's feelings and ideas, rather than telling him what he thinks and feels are wrong. Affirming another person's thoughts or feelings doesn't mean that you agree with him. An example may be telling a three-year-old, "I know you want something to drink right now, but we need to make some juice first."
- Help them with frustrating tasks. When your child becomes frustrated to the point of losing control, help her just enough to solve the problem. Give encouragement for the progress she's made and remember not to take over.
- Remember to say, "No." When your child isn't sure how serious you are about a rule, get his attention and give a calm, but firm, sign of your disapproval. Every family has their sign--sometimes called "the look," a raised finger, and other variations.
- Ask yourself if you're expecting too much. You may decide to back off before you make the problem worse. By giving permission for that behavior, you keep your influence for more important issues.
For these guidance tools to work, it's best if you stay relaxed. When you feel overwhelmed by stress, take a moment to release physical tension. Take a deep breath and sigh, smile to yourself, and release your muscle tension as you breathe out. Your success depends on how well you take care of your own stress, too.
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