From time to time we all get angry. Parents and children both have a right to be angry at times. It's all perfectly normal. To understand the role anger plays in the parent-child relationship, you need to understand why your child is behaving in a particular way. And you need to understand your reaction to that misbehavior. Through this understanding, you can learn to respond to a child in a positive and constructive way.

The first step is to look at your own anger. Remember that children learn by observing and will imitate your behavior. How we express anger is influenced by our culture, family background, and the norms set by the people around us. While we can learn to choose how we express anger, these influences are powerful. Psychologists have grouped people into three general categories based on how they express anger.

First, there are people who use a passive style and rarely express anger directly. Instead, this type of person stuffs their anger inside, which often leads to psychological or physical problems. Unresolved issues build up until the person explodes, often at another person who has little to do with the underlying cause of the anger.

In the second group are people who use an aggressive style and react angrily to many different things. Their aggression is a way to dominate others and control the situation. It also can be a barrier to building relationships.

In the third group are people who use an assertive style to express anger and communicate their feelings without blaming the other person. The focus is on the behaviors involved, not on the person's character.

Anger serves a useful purpose. It is a signal to you and those around you that something is wrong. It may be needed in a dangerous situation where we might need to do something physical or verbal beyond our normal capacity. Expressing anger in positive ways an show that you care and are involved with another person. It's also the first step toward solving a problem and a good way to get someone's attention.

As stated earlier, to deal with anger between a child and parent, you need to understand why it develops. Most often, anger is the result of a parent's misinterpretation of a child's behavior. For example, let's say you're taking your child somewhere special and have just finished dressing him in his best clothes. Then while you talr care of last-minute details, your child goes outside and gets dirty. You might interpret this behavior as your child acting defiantly, or wanting your attention. But the child simply may have gotten bored waiting for you and went outside, forgetting that she was wearing her good clothes.

Expressing anger in a positive way isn't a bad thing. In fact, it's better to release these emotions than to keep them bottled up inside of you. Being nice all the time and not expressing anger is not healthy behavior. And, your relationships will suffer if you don't express anger or hurt. Anger is a normal part of human relationships, including the relationship between you and your child.

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