Parenting is hard work. It is even harder for parents with children who are always pushing the limits, who find it hard to comply with requests and are intense, persistent, slow to adapt and energetic. If this describes your child, keep reading.

These characteristics are often attributed to temperament. Understanding your child's temperament can help you understand your child better. Spirited children may display any of the following characteristics:

Intensity. This describes how spirited children react to situations. Their response is usually immediate and strong. There is no middle of the road.

Persistence. These children are committed to their task; they are goal oriented, and unwilling to give up. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves.

Sensitivity. Spirited kids are keenly aware of their senses. They respond to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. They are easily overwhelmed by the number of sensations they encounter.

Perceptiveness. Spirited children notice everything. They are easily distracted, and are often accused of not listening.

Adaptability. Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity to another.

Energetic. Many, but not all, spirited kids are very energetic. They have a real need to move that comes from inside. They tend to be busy--taking things apart, exploring, creating.

You may wonder, "Why is my child this way?" There are several things that influence behavior. They include temperament, genetic make-up, chemical imbalances in the brain, trauma, mood disorders, and response to a chaotic environment. Parenting styles and practices can influence when these behaviors start and their intensity.

The stress of dealing with challenging behaviors all the time affects the relationships of the parents to the child, and of the child to other children and of the parents to each other. The family continually adjusts and readjusts to challenging behaviors.

It is critical that parents accept and affirm spirited children. It's easy to develop a negative pattern of reacting to behaviors with criticism and punishment. Children need to know they have unconditional love and support. They need affection, positive comments, and encouragement.

Some behaviors can be managed by changing parenting strategies. Others require intervention by trained medical or mental health professionals. Don't be afraid to seek professional help if the child's behaviors have a negative effect on the family or the child's successful development.

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