Extension > Family > Financial Security for Later Life > Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate?™ > Family Stories About Transferring Property > More Family Stories
Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate?™
More Family Stories
Marlene Stum, Professor and Extension Specialist, Department of Family Social Science
Reviewed February 2012
- Annette learns a family secret
- Cindy's glad they planned ahead
- Julia wonders what's fair
- David learns objects carry family history
- Sandy celebrates her grandfather's life
- Jean's family hurt by disagreement
Transferring Belongings Can be a Very Sensitive Issue
"We have this pink glass bowl in our family. For three generations it has been passed to the first-born granddaughter. My aunt has it now, and I thought it would go to my dad's oldest daughter, because she's the oldest granddaughter. But my aunt, Mom's sister, just told me that during the war when Dad was overseas, Mom was raped one night — so my oldest sister isn't really Dad's daughter. That's why Dad has said for years that he only has one daughter. Mom never said a word about this family secret and my sister doesn't know."
— Annette
It Helps to Plan in Advance
"When Emma invited her four children to spend a day with her and requested that no grandchildren or spouses come, her children wondered what was up. At the time, their 85-year-old mother was planning to move from her home of 45 years to a nursing home. The children gathered and spent the day going through Emma's property with her. Emma took an item, talked about where it came from and then the family talked about their memories related to the item. Next they decided who should each have the item. Nine months later when Emma died, the children couldn't help but appreciate the special day they had shared together with their mother before she died. What a wonderful celebration of her life it had been!"
— Cindy
Being Fair is Important to Many
"Recently, my parents died within three months of each other. My sister, brother and I have been going through the house, making decisions about who gets what. It's gone pretty smoothly. There is only one item in the whole house that all three of us would really like to have: the Winnie-the-Pooh book that Mom read to us when we were young. It was always kept in the corner bookshelf in the living room. For now we've decided it will stay on the bookshelf, because my brother is moving into the house, and we can't figure out a fair way to decide who gets it."
— Julia
Belongings Can Carry Family History
"One evening last week I stopped by my parents' house to visit. Mom shared that she had gone to a gathering that afternoon where they were instructed to bring the oldest item they had in their home. I asked her what she had taken. 'I took the pen your dad got from Father Greiner when he served Mass as a child. It's a silver pen that writes black, red and blue when you push various buttons down. Father Greiner brought it over from the Netherlands when he immigrated.' Later that evening it struck me that at 43 years old, I had never seen this pen or heard the story before. Had we been cleaning out my parents possessions after death, I wouldn't have known a thing about the pen or its history."
— David
Keep Goals in Mind When Considering Distribution Options
"When my grandfather died in late spring, he left a list of what items should go to whom in the family. Rather than disposing of these items immediately after the funeral, our family chose to reconvene at Thanksgiving for what we called 'The Great Giveaway.' After a wonderful turkey dinner, Grandpa's list was read and each person received the items designated for him or her. As they did so, each took time to share their memories of the fun times and special moments they had shared with Grandpa. I will always remember it as a very special day."
— Sandy
Disagreements Can Damage Relationships
"Auntie Opal always said she wanted to wear her wedding ring with the three rubies forever — including taking it to her grave. Everyone in the immediate family knew of her wishes. When Auntie Opal died, I noticed her wedding ring was on her finger at the visitation. When all the visitors had left, Auntie Opal's oldest daughter said she was going to take the ring off because it had been promised to her. Her sisters quickly jumped in and each said, 'No, it was promised to me!' Their brother said, 'Mom told me I should have it because I'm the only boy and I should decide which of my girls should have it when she gets married.' They all started screaming at each other, each of them trying to reach for the ring. The funeral director came in and asked how he could help. He removed the ring, and without much thought gave it to the oldest sister who had been most involved in making the funeral arrangements. Even though the screaming continued, she kept the ring. To this day, no one in our family dares mention that ring."
— Jean
