March 21, 2003

Let your children know it's okay to talk about war and peace

Most children are probably confused about the issues of war and peace. But there are many websites and other good resource materials to help parents talk with their children, says Jodi Dworkin, family social scientist with the University of Minnesota Extension Service.

Two websites from the U of M Extension Service have information on communicating with children about war, terrorism and related information. They are "Restoring Hope in the Wake of Terrorism," http://www.extension.umn.edu/administrative/disasterresponse/terrorism.html, and "Ready to Respond," http://www.extension.umn.edu/administrative/disasterresponse/terror2.html.

Purdue University Extension has a website that includes articles, links, audio and video at http://www.ces.purdue.edu/terrorism/. Judith Myers-Walls of Purdue Extension has researched children's reactions to wars and disasters. She offers these tips and cautions:

--Listen and talk. Let children know that it's okay to talk about war and peace. Listen for misunderstandings. Let the children guide you in the discussions. Remember that there will probably be more than one discussion.

--Consider using books and art to communicate. Children may be able to express ideas in drawings that they cannot put into words. Reading a book about a topic makes it less threatening. It is easier to talk about someone else than to talk about our own feelings.

--Be careful about painting the other side as the enemy. It is more helpful to children to talk about "bad actions" rather than "bad people." Help children understand that people can choose their behaviors. Even if they have done something bad in the past, they can choose to do something good in the future.

--Help children understand that the U. S. is not angry with the Iraqi people. Explain that our leaders are upset with the decisions of the other government.

--Help children understand religious differences. Explain that Islam is a religion that is practiced by many people in the world. Help them understand that most Muslim people are peace-loving and friendly.

--Reassure children without ignoring the horrors of war. Talk about what you and others will do to keep the child safe. Talk about how far away the military actions probably will be, but don't ignore the terrible things that will happen in the war. Studies show that children care about people in other countries in addition to those in their own country. Support their caring attitudes.

--Teach children about what can be done instead of war. Talk about alternatives. Explain what governments and people can do to make war less likely. Dworkin also suggests checking the Children, Youth and Family Consortium website at the University of Minnesota: http://www.cyfc.umn.edu/publications/newsreleases/3-10-03nr.html.

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URL: http:// www.extension.umn.edu/extensionnews/2003/LetYourChildren.html  This page was updated Mar. 21, 2003 .
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