April 24, 1997
Heavy flooding over the past weeks has displaced numerous Minnesota families. But these are not the only families affected by the flooding. Many of the flood victims have taken refuge in the homes of friends or relatives.
Ron Pitzer, family sociologist with the University of Minnesota's Extensive Service, says that these temporary living arrangements could become complicated if both families are caught off guard. "Everybody should expect that everyone else is under stress," says Pitzer.
Displaced families will be experiencing a lot of anxiety and uncertainty at this time. Their predicament will often lead them to express their emotions in different ways. The first reaction may be denial. But at certain points, anger may will rule their emotions before giving way to sorrow or grief. "Some people may resort to gallows humor, or seem calm and then suddenly lose their self-control," says Pitzer.
Host families should not be surprised if their guests are resentful of them because the host family's home was spared. Flood victims may not actually believe this, but it is one way that some people vent their frustration. Pitzer says that in such instances, the guest often lets off steam only to later regret it and apologize.
One step which the host family can take to help alleviate further stress is to sit down with the guests soon after they arrive and work out the ground rules of shared living. The host family should coordinate their work and school schedules with the guest family's flood cleanup requirements so that issues like shower access and meal times are taken care of right away. Discuss cost-sharing, meal preparation and cleanup, and think about whether the families wish to eat together or separately.
In terms of hospitality and cost-sharing, Pitzer recommends that guests be willing to accept the graciousness of their hosts, not insisting on cost-sharing if the hosts refuse to take any money. Hosts, on the other hand, also should be mindful that the guests may be reluctant to accept charity. "To avoid any confusion or misunderstanding," says Pitzer, "both sides need to sit down and set these things out from the start."
Pitzer also encourages host families not to burden their guests with small decisions. Flood victims have too many overwhelming issues to worry about, so they're probably in no mood to deal with other particulars like what to have for dinner. Host parents may be in a better position to remain attentive to the needs of children from both families. "Always be supportive of kids and don't let them get lost in the rush," says Pitzer.
Guests, on the other hand, should be especially mindful not to impose upon the established culture of their hosts. For example, if guests are smokers and the hosts are non-smokers, Pitzer suggests going outside to smoke, even if you are given permission to smoke inside.
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Source: Ron Pitzer, (612) 625-8169
Writer: John Winzenburg, EDS, (612) 625-6243, news@extension.umn.edu
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