News Page
February 28, 1997
Despair, discouragement and personal anguish are often the result when a natural disaster, such as a flood or a brutal series of winter storms, wipes out something you value. Families throughout Minnesota have encountered building damage and lost livestock this winter. And with the possibility of spring flooding, there could be more losses on the way. Dealing effectively with the emotions connected to these losses is difficult, but not impossible.
"Denying that hardships exist works only in the short term," says Sharon Danes, a family resource specialist with the University of Minnesota's Extension Service. "People also deny they're afraid of what will happen to them," she says. "It's human nature to feel uncomfortable with having to rely on others for assistance."
Danes says continued denial can lead to accidents, blaming others and health problems. Depression can also result if one doesn't express the feelings that everyone experiences from a major loss. "We need to remember that the death of a loved one isn't the only time it's okay to grieve," she says.
Past research on farm families experiencing economic difficulties indicates that both negative and positive responses can evolve from loss. Some people concentrate only on the fear of giving up a past in which their personal identity has been grounded. Danes says, "They have tremendous insecurities about beginning a new lifestyle, with a loss of continuity and having nothing substantial, like land, to pass on to future generations. In a sense, they feel like pioneers."
Yet the research also showed that other farm families experienced a clarification of values and set more realistic goals. "These families," Danes says, "moved forward after their loss. Along the way they improved their family decision-making and long-range planning skills." For some, family and business interaction patterns and managerial practices improved.
When available family resources decrease it becomes even more essential to discuss with all family members how those resources will be used. When a family can agree on their goals, these discussions proceed better and the resources are used more efficiently.
"Don't forget to involve the kids in these discussions," Danes advises. "You might be surprised at the positive contributions kids can make when they know what is going on and are given an opportunity to become involved."
Danes says the first step in dealing with your grief over the losses caused by the extremely cold or wet weather, as well as by heavy snow or flooding, is to talk about your problems. Admit them and dare to say the unspeakable.
Next, do something about the situation. Attend a public meeting about the issue, write to your congressional representatives, or help someone else. Even if there seem to be very few options, talk about alternative plans.
How you perceive the problem is the key. People can adjust their thoughts from "what we have lost or may lose is the most important part of life" to "our family and health are the most important parts of life."
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Source: Sharon Danes, (612) 625-9273
Editor: John Winzenburg, EDS, (612)
625-6243, news@extension.umn.edu