Teen Talk: A survival guide for parents of teenagers
I’M SCARED, WHAT IF THE NEXT SHOOTING IS AT MY SCHOOL?
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How big is this problem?
Even though the news has been filled with reports of school shootings lately,
murders in schools are actually lower then in previous years. And the majority
of children are safe at school.
What do we know about the teens who are committing these crimes?
- Inability to recognize their own anger and redirect it so it does not lead to violent behavior
- Difficulty recognizing others’ feelings
- Feeling no remorse
- Seeing the taking of matters into their own hands as the only solution
- No positive role models
- Feeling unloved at home and unaccepted at school
- Experiencing either physical or psychological abuse, or neglect
- Inability to see their future
How can I talk to my teen about such a serious issue?
It is important to talk to your teenager about school violence and listen to his thoughts and concerns on this issue.
- It is okay to express fear at what has been happening and compassion for the students and families who have survived these horrors.
- Explain the distinction between being different from other students and having severe problems that lead to extreme violence.
- Express to your teen how important it is to let you or another adult know if they hear another child threatening violence towards himself or others.
- Talk about what it might feel like to be an outcast at school, and find out if your teen is having trouble fitting in.
- Teens are aware of social issues, so talk with them about bigger issues like gun control and what they can do to help keep their school safe.
- Talk with your kids about solving problems constructively; help them to find appropriate solutions to problems without using violence.
How can schools help keep kids safe?
Decreasing violence in schools requires a joint commitment from the school, the students, the parents, and the community. Here are some of the practices that other schools have found to be effective:
- Increased supervision by administrators and security guards
- Checking visitors’ IDs
- Tracking all incidents of violence in full detail
- Keeping track of students who have been in trouble in the past either in school or in the community
- Increasing mental health services for students
- Providing telephones in classrooms
- Peer counseling
- Teaching conflict resolution or anger management
- Eliminating backpacks or restricting their use
Be aware of these additional warning signs in teens:
- Name calling, abusive language, and threats of violence
- Preoccupied with weapons or violence
- Cruelty to animals
- Problems with drugs or alcohol
- Discipline problems at school such as truancy or expulsion
- Few or no close friends, feeling like an outcast at school
- Bullying or being bullied by others
- Prefers movies, TV, music, video games, reading, or clothes with violent themes
- Expresses anger, frustration, or violence in writing or drawings
- Depression or mood swings - there is a difference between feeling down for one day and being depressed. It is not normal for teenagers to be severely depressed or extremely moody!
- Has threatened or attempted suicide
Where you can go for more information:
National Crime Prevention Council
National School Safety Center
Teens, Crime, and the Community
National PTA
Elliott, D. S., et al. (Eds.). (1998). Violence in American schools: A new perspective. Cambridge, England: Cambridge University Press.
Garbarino, J. (1999). Lost boys: Why our sons turn violent and how we can save them. New York: Free Press.
Garbarino, J., et al. (1998). Children in danger: Coping with the consequences of community violence. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.
Schaefer, C. E., & DiGeronimo, T. F. (1999). How to talk to teens about really important things. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers.
Jodi Dworkin, Ph.D. Assistant Professor, Department of Family Social Science and University of Minnesota Extension Service.
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