Let's Talk
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Don't underestimate the power of plain talk. Active listening and honest response to problems and feelings are wonderful gifts to offer another person. To be willing to talk and to listen is to care. To have someone actively care is the hope of every lonely, frightened young person.
If you're someone who doesn't find sharing and personal conversation easy, but you want to reach out, try the formula below. Remember, if you show an interest in a young person, you probably will make an impact. You may be rebuffed, but inwardly you may strike an important chord. Then again, you may hit pay dirt! Take a chance. Say, "let's talk!" Don't wait until you're in the middle of a crisis.
This five-step procedure is designed to focus attention, express interest, and make a plan for further discussion.
| Who |
Call the person by name. Go up to him or her and call him or her by his or her name. That gets their attention and makes it clear you want speak with him or her. It shows respect. Make contact by touching the person gently on the shoulder or arm. |
| What |
Tell the person what you want to talk about. He or she needs to know what you want. Don't go into detail, but give some idea. Emphasize your feelings, your goals, and your hopes for the conversation. Is it to share what you're thinking? Get information? Seek help? Give your opinion? Get advice? Have someone to listen to a problem? Share some great news? Don't demand, but explain that you want to talk. |
| When |
Set up a time to talk. Go directly to the person, look him or her in the eye, and say you want to talk. Give some advance notice and some options, if possible. Allow plenty of time. Don't squeeze it into a little time in a busy schedule. If now is not a good time, ask when would be a good time to talk. Set a time convenient for both of you. |
| Where |
Suggest a place comfortable for both of you. Make it somewhere both of you will feel at ease. Consider the other person's space or a neutral place. Make sure you can both relate at the same level, comfortable with neither one dominating. |
| Why |
Let the person know you are interested in him or her, his or her opinion, his or her advice. Say why it is important for you to talk with him or her. People need to know they are important. They need to know you will listen as well as just talk. They need to know you're not just going to dump on them. |
For example: "Martha, I just heard you dropped out of band last week. I'm really concerned about you. I know you've been under a lot of pressure in our class here, and that's unusual for you. Would you be willing to talk with me a while after school today? We could meet here in my room. It would only take about 15 minutes. It would help me to understand what's bothering you. I'd like to be helpful."
CONNECT
LISTEN
UNDERSTAND
EXPRESS FEELINGS
SEEK HELP |
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Produced by Communication and Educational Technology Services, University of
Minnesota Extension.
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