Circle of Support: Teens Helping Teens
	T R A I N I N G   T H E   H I G H S C H O O L   S T U D E N T S Lesson 2:

The Importance of Self-Disclosure to Building a Circle of Support

Goals

1. To be able to identify the importance, appropriateness, and limits of self-disclosure.
2. To reflect on and be able to set an appropriate level of self-disclosure.
3. To understand the importance of disclosure in forming and maintaining a circle of support.

Activity

You will need an approximately 3-foot by 6-foot sheet of paper marked as described below and taped to a wall, and red and green adhesive dots, enough for each participant to have two of each color. (These are available at many stationery stores.) Write the list of topics (below) on the chalkboard before you begin.

Thinking about a circle of support brings up the topic of closeness or intimacy in friendships and family.

Look over the topics written on the chalkboard. Which of these would be the easiest for you to share with another person? (After the class has chosen, erase that topic. Then proceed in a similar fashion until there are only about three left).

One fear I have
The place I like to be most
Someone I love
What I like best/least about school
Two adjectives that describe me
One time when someone hurt me deeply
A time I cried
My favorite movie

Discussion

Ask: What makes the remaining three items more difficult than the rest of the list?
Why might someone want or not want to share these with others?
What kind of relationship would you need in order to share these items with another person?

Activity

Say: On the wall, there is a graph. Across the bottom line are the numbers 1 (meaning not open or disclosing at all) to 10 (meaning very open and self- disclosing). It is divided between family and friends. Put your red dot on each graph where you would presently rate your level of openness. Place a green dot where you would like to be.

Discussion

When students have finished placing their dots, ask:

1. What observations would you make from looking at the graph?

2. You varied in how much disclosure you want in your families and in your friendships.
   What qualities do you want or need in parents in order to disclose?
   What qualities do you want or need in friends in order to disclose?

3. Are there disadvantages to never learning to be open with trusted people? How important is self-disclosure to building and maintaining a circle of support, and to your own health?

4. How many of you feel you have learned to be more open in your friendships and family in the last several years? If a person wanted to learn to be more open, what suggestions would you give him or her?

5. Have any of you known someone who you felt was too open with too many people? What are the disadvantages, if any, of being very open with everyone?

Sample of student group's dot configuration.

IMPORTANT TEACHER NOTE: We do want students to see the importance of learning to share with people they consider to be closest to them in their circles of support. The difference between having one trusted person to share with and having no one can be very significant in crisis situations. It is important that students not feel that there is one right way to interact with family and friends because each person has a different history and a different set of experiences.

Closing Reflection: Optional Question for Homework

If there was a gap between your present and desired level of openness with family or friends, how would you like things to be different? What strategies might you use to make this happen?

TEACHER NOTE: As a result of this lesson, some teachers might decide to spend additional time helping students improve their skills for communicating with family and friends.

Widening the Circle of Support: Seeking Outside Help

Goals

1. To understand when a referral to adult help is necessary.
2. To increase the value and confidence students attach to seeking adult help.

Discussion

Discuss the following: Even a strong circle of support can become severely tested if we or our friends go through a very difficult problem or time.

1. How many of you have been in the position where a good friend has shared a concern or problem and you wanted to help, but you honestly did not know what to say?

2. How do you remember feeling at the time? What went through your mind?

3. How many of you have someone right now you are worried about? How is this worry affecting your day-to-day life?

4. I would like to get a list of topics that represent the most difficult kinds of situations that friends have shared with you. (Write their answers on the board.)

5. Let's take several topics and see how many of us have known someone who has had these concerns. If you have known someone personally (not just heard about) who has had an alcohol or other drug problem, stand up. Everyone sit down except those who sought help from an adult about this friend. Now everyone sit down. (Repeat the process for those who have known someone who was depressed for more than a month; had an eating disorder; was suicidal; or was the victim of some form of abuse. Add any other topics from the list that seem critical to your group).

6. What did you observe from how you answered these questions? (Typically, teens don't seek adult help, but they are much more likely with certain kinds of problems than with others.) Why do these differences occur? Should they occur?

7. For those of you who sought adult help, what convinced you to do this? What kind of adult--a teacher, parent, counselor, minister, etc.--did you go to?

   When you filled out the pretest, a number of you mentioned that you knew at least one adult in this school with whom you would feel comfortable talking about a personal concern. What is it about this person (no names) that makes you feel that you can trust him or her?

8. What are some of the reasons a teenager might not seek out an adult for help? What do you risk if you tell an adult? What do you risk if you tell an adult about a friend's problem and the friend does not want you to do so?

9. Are there any disadvantages of not talking to an adult when a friend is in a crisis situation? What do you risk?

   TEACHER NOTE: This is a key point. Among the reasons early intervention is important are:

   1. Early intervention provides help before the situation becomes more complex and serious.
   2. The longer that people with serious concerns (e.g., drug or alcohol abuse, eating disorders) remain without help, the longer it may take them to get well.
   3. Certain problems demand trained professional help. They will not disappear on their own.
   4. By keeping a serious concern to yourself, you may be making choices that are problematic for you and your friend.
   5. You may be putting someone's life at risk by maintaining silence.

10. It is crucial, that as a helper, you know the importance and the limits of confidentiality. How do you decide whether to keep something confidential or to seek adult help?

    Ask students to break into groups of three and try to build lists of examples and principles of when it is important to keep or to break silence. Afterwards, put the answers on the chalkboard and discuss them.

11. What is the best advice when a friend says to you, "I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anybody else"? (You can agree to keep confidence except if the person's health or life is being threatened.)

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