Parlor Profiles: Dairy Families Talk About Their Lives

Intergenerational Relationships

They Are the Farm

Everyone needs to feel their life has value. If someone is suddenly removed from making a meaningful contribution, he or she may feel that life no longer has much meaning. This is especially true for many farmers, who become so engrossed in their business that it becomes their identity. If they weren’t farming, many have little or no idea what they would do. In most respects, they are the farm and the farm is them.

This strong lifestyle identification makes it extremely difficult for farmers, especially those with limited outside interests, to retire. It is also a significant cause of stress for the children who take over their farms. This study found that many dairy families experienced stress related to intergenerational issues.

Not Quite Independent

Although all study participants said their farms now support only one family, 70% of them started in some kind of partnership or working agreement with a parent. Some of these working agreements remain in force, influencing farm operation. One husband considers himself the sole proprietor of his dairy farm, for example, but he purchases all his feed from his father, who operates the land as a separate farm business. Another farmer operates his farm independently, but his father retains a pasture to raise a few beef cows.

This multigenerational aspect plays a big role in what decisions are made and how they are made. For some, the pressure is fairly constant, while others report tensions from specific situations. When asked who would be affected most if her husband had to quit dairying, one wife replied, “My husband’s parents...would feel bad because they think it’s really neat that their son is a dairy farmer.”

The Way We’ve Always Done It

Eight study families had problems with their parents while working out future business arrangements. The conflict took several forms. In some cases, farm improvements, such as barn remodeling, became sore spots.

In one case, the old barn arrangement had served a retired farmer ever since he bought his place from his parents. Unfortunately, the 40-year-old stalls were too small for today’s larger cows and carrying manure out by hand had become a major labor problem. His son, who now farmed the place, had discussed the decision to remodel the barn with his father, but when the contractors showed up to start work, the older man made several comments to them that indicated the whole thing was a surprise to him.

The attitude among most of the older generation—that farm couples should devote their whole lives to the farm—was another cause of tension for the families in the study. One wife reported that a parent regularly commented that “you take more time off than we ever did.” Some respondents also had problems with a parent who wanted to help and be involved, but who was no longer physically or mentally capable.

More Involved, More Stress

Four elderly parents lived on the farm. Two other men worked on the farm every day, but no longer lived there. Parents still living on and/or involved with the farm were probably the biggest cause of stress, according to study participants. Many farm families indicated that their parents just couldn’t understand why the younger generation couldn’t do everything the way they always had. This attitude applied to living in the old house (which needed repair), taking vacations or time off, or remodeling the farm.

Intergenerational Influences

Farming is an occupation where a high percentage of owners transfer their business to someone in their family. Farms go from one generation to the next rather than to non-family members.

Farming has a high percentage (50%) of multigenerational situations. This means three generations (or more) live and/or work on the same site.

Farming is an occupation where a young person has the opportunity to become the sole proprietor of a large-scale business with significant assets. In such a situation, a mentor can be important.

Seek additional sources of information (available from your local Extension Office), including:

(This is a series of fact sheets, including all those listed above plus several others relating to other business aspects of farm transfers.)

Specialized extension educators in financial and business management have many resources that can help families set goals and determine what is important for each family member when a farm is transferred between generations.

Strategies to Strengthen Families

  • Outline the responsibilities of all active farming partners on paper.

  • Develop a plan for transition of farm responsibilities and ownership. Consider whether it may be appropriate to make these changes in stages, with a target date for complete transition.

  • Cultivate interests that don’t relate to farmwork. When an individual’s or family’s identity is completely wrapped up in the farm, it’s hard to adjust if the farm work ends for some reason (financial problems, physical restrictions, death of a spouse, divorce, old age). Starting early in life to achieve a balance between farm, family and personal life can help make the transition off the farm easier.

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Produced by Communication and Educational Technology Services, University of Minnesota Extension.

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