Parlor Profiles: Dairy Families Talk About Their Lives

Household Responsibilities

A Woman’s Work Is Never Done

Dairy farm wives have the same complaint women in the city have—when it comes to the house and children, men are mostly missing in action. The women interviewed in this study talked about their frustration at the lack of support they received from their husbands in caring for their children and maintaining their home. In every case, the women were primarily responsible for housework, cooking, child care and other homemaking tasks. There were only a few cases where the men provided any assistance at all. Even when wives were active partners on the farm, or worked full-time off the farm, they were still responsible for the house and kids.

One wife expressed her frustration this way: “He farms, that’s what he does, and I work at my job and I take care of the house and I take care of the kids and I make sure everything is running around here and he farms, period. And that’s probably the greatest stress for me.”

Even Babysitting Is Tough for Some Farmers

Another woman felt she just couldn’t do it all. “It was real difficult last year to keep up at school (her job) and at home,” she said. “I just felt we were a mess all the time.”

Some husbands even find it difficult to care for their children while their wife is at her job or gone somewhere. One husband asked his wife to quit her evening job because he said it was too difficult to be in charge of his kids, even though they were in bed when she went to work, and only rarely woke up. “He doesn’t ever help in the house or do anything,” the woman said. “Sometimes I get a little fed up with that and jump on him about it. He’s good for a week and then he starts to slack off again.”

Women Who Work on the Farm See It Differently

“He farms, that’s what he does, and I work at my job and I take care of the house and I take care of the kids and I make sure everything is running around here and he farms, period.”

Clearly, the women are responsible for all aspects of running the home. A significant number aren’t very happy about this situation, particularly those with off-farm jobs. Wives who did not work off the farm seemed more content, however. “We planned it that way so I would have time with the girls,” one wife explained “If it’s not planting season, and if there’s not a big call for something else on the farm, I have fours hours with the girls, just by myself, without worrying about anything else.

The following morning schedule for one family seems chaotic, but the woman who lives it says she’s content: “A typical day for us is like this: I get up at 6:00 a.m., run to the barn to do chores, feed cows while he milks, feed calves, run to the house to make sure the boys are up, go back down and do more chores, then get the boys off to school. It’s chores most of the day, and dinner when we get to it. Farming is what we are doing together, and we are doing it. That is how I want it to be.”

Some of the husbands realize they expect a lot of their wives. Most, however, didn’t mention this in interviews. As with many of the other things that can cause stress, there is almost a general acceptance that “this is the way it is,” even though the families don’t always like it.

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Produced by Communication and Educational Technology Services, University of Minnesota Extension.

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