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A Parent's Guide to Teens: The Growing Season Video and Guide

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Discipline

Punishment vs. Discipline
Punishment	Discipline
Focuses on what your teen has done wrong rather than on what he needs to do in the future. Consists of penalties or restrictions that often have nothing to do with the misbehavior. Puts the responsibility for behaving appropriately on the parent rather than on the teen. Concerned with making your teen "pay" for what she did wrong.	Focuses on what your teen needs to do in the future. Relates to the misbehavior so your teen learns how to be more responsible for his behavior or actions. Helps your teen develop self-discipline and learn how to become responsible-especially when you're not there. Intended to help your teen accept natural or logical consequences of the misbehavior.

Using Discipline

Nurture your teen

Put most of your effort here.Teens learn best and are more willing to follow the rules when they know they are loved and supported. Here are some ideas.

• Love your teen, no matter what he does.
• When your teen does the right thing in a difficult situation, let her know you are proud of her.
• Expect the best from your teen.
• Spend time together. Take the time to do something your teen enjoys.
• Really listen. When your teen comes to you with a question or comment, stop what you are doing, look at your teen, and really listen.
• Trust and respect each other. Encourage all family members to treat each other with respect.
• Be a good role model.
• Try to understand your teen's point of view.
• Encourage humor and fun.

Humor

Have you had your fifteen laughs today? Researchers say that the average American laughs fifteen times or more a day to maintain good health, both physically and emotionally.

Humor:

• helps put you in a better mood.
• keeps you from getting depressed.
• helps family members deal with conflict.
• can be used to make serious discussions, disciplinary measures, and ground rules much more likely to work.

Guiding Your Teen

Your teen needs you to teach her how to act, help her manage her feelings, and learn about responsibility. You need to have rules about behavior. Your teen needs to know what will happen if a rule is broken. Here are some ideas:

• Help your teen learn to solve problems.
• Show your teen how to do things. If you want the lawn mowed, you will have to show your teen what you usually do and explain what you expect.
• Explain your limits, rules, and expectations. Make sure you are clear.
• You may have to remind your teen of what the rule is.
• Try using respect when you want your teen to do something. We are all much more willing to do something if people treat us politely.
• Ask your teen to help you understand why he or she is upset about a rule.
• Say "NO!" Don't underestimate the power of this word and don't be afraid to use it.
• Take care of yourself and connect with other parents or community groups for support.
• Leave the situation to give yourself a break and figure out a new solution.
• Give your teen a chance to do it the right way.