07309

Positive Parenting of Teens

Prepared by Kathleen A. Olson, University of Minnesota Extension Educator-Family Development, Goodhue County, MN; Joan LeFebvre, University of Wisconsin-Extension Family Living Agent, Vilas, Forest, and Florence Counties, WI; Mary Laeger-Hagemeister, University of Minnesota Extension Educator-Leadership/Citizenship Education, Steele County, MN

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Lesson Guide: Discipline

Lesson Materials

• Video: Discipline
• Optional Video: Parenting Styles
• Lesson Guide: Discipline
• Overhead A: Punishment vs. Discipline
• Parent Handout: Punishment vs. Discipline
• Overhead B and Worksheet: Rules and Limits in My Family
• Overhead C: Negotiable Rules
• Overhead D: Non-negotiable Rules
• Parent Handout: Parenting Styles
• Overhead E: Parenting Styles
• Activity Sheet: Parenting Styles
• Facilitator Guide: Parenting Styles Activity
• Parent Handout: Parenting Style and Control
• Resources: Discipline

Learner Outcomes

• Parents will be able to identify the differences between discipline and punishment and apply these to their own parenting.
• Parents will understand negotiable and non-negotiable rules and will be able to identify their own rules in each category.
• Parents will understand three basic parenting styles and how they affect both teens and parents and will be able to identify and critique their own parenting style.
• Parents will encourage the development of "psychological autonomy" in their teenagers through modeling, connectedness and nurturance, joint limit setting, monitoring, and other "authoritative" parenting practices.

Preparation for Session

1. Preview the "Discipline" and "Parenting Styles" videotapes.
2. Review the lesson materials (handouts, lesson outline, worksheets).
3. Read other materials, if needed and time permits (see Resources list).
4. Duplicate parent handouts and worksheets you will want to use with the lesson. Clip together or place parent materials into folder for each parent.
5. Make overheads or posters, depending on your presentation preference.
6. See that other necessary equipment and supplies are on hand: TV and VCR, overhead projector, flipchart, and markers.
7. Have participants sit in a circle or around a table to facilitate group discussion.

Lesson Outline

1. Introductory activity (5-10 mins.)
   

   Have participants introduce themselves, giving names and ages of children, and name at least one rule or limit they have in their family that sometimes causes disagreement between them and their teen. List these on flipchart paper. You may refer to these later in the lesson as you discuss rules and limits.

2. Review: Discipline vs. punishment (5-10 mins.)
   

   Use Overhead A ("Punishment vs. Discipline"). Distribute "Punishment vs. Discipline" handout. Discuss difference between discipline and punishment, using key statements from the overhead transparency and handout. Discuss the difference in handling the sample situation, using discipline and punishment strategies.

3. Negotiable and non-negotiable rules (15 mins.)
   

   Distribute "Rules and Limits in My Family" worksheet and show as overhead if desired. Have everyone fill out the worksheet, listing all rules, ranking them according to priority, and deciding whether they are negotiable or non-negotiable.

   Facilitator says (actual words in italics):

   Think about rules in your family. Negotiable rules usually are related to expected tasks and behaviors--such as clothing, chores, phone use. non-negotiable rules are usually related to physical safety or strongly held family values: for example, alcohol or drug use, driving/seat belt use, not touching hunting guns, etc.

   Emphasize that rules and limits will be different in every family according to their rules, situations, and strengths.

   List all non-negotiable rules on the flipchart (each parent should contribute at least one rule to the list). Some parents may have similar rules, but for one it is negotiable, and for another it is non-negotiable. Point out that families have different priorities and values, so they will not normally have the same kind of rules. Also point out that if the parents are separated and both still have contact with the child, it is helpful if they both agree on the most important issues, especially non-negotiable rules, to avoid confusion and/or manipulation.

   In the last vignette of the video, you will see some examples of negotiable and non-negotiable rules.

   Note: You may find it helpful to use Overhead C ("Negotiable Rules") and D ("Non-negotiable Rules") in this discussion.

4. Parenting styles (5-10 mins.)
   

   Distribute the "Parenting Styles" handout.

   Parent-teen relationships differ from family to family. Some parents are stricter than others. Some teens are given a great deal of affection, while others are treated more distantly. In some households, decisions are made through open discussion and verbal give and take. In other households, parents lay down the rules and expect their children to follow them. The different ways parents respond and demand constitute different parenting styles.

   Refer to the parent handout, noting the definitions of responsiveness and demandingness.

   Research has identified these two aspects of parental behavior toward the teen as critical. Parental responsiveness and demandingness are more or less independent of each other--that is, a parent may be both demanding and responsive or may be very demanding without being responsive or vice versa.

   Have parents look at the chart on the "Parenting Styles" handout. Use Overhead E ("Parenting Styles") to show how responsiveness and demandingness result in different styles of parenting.

   Parents who are high in responsiveness and demandingness are "authoritative." Parents who are warm and loving, but not demanding are "permissive." Parents who are demanding but not responsive are "authoritarian." Parents who are neither demanding nor responsive are called "unengaged."

   Read the more complete descriptions of each parenting style on the parent handout.

   Note: You may also want to use the brief "Parenting Styles" video during the above discussion. Please mention that slightly different terms are used for the three parenting styles.

5. Show "Discipline" video (10 mins.)
   

   As you view the video you will see examples of parent-teen interaction where different parenting styles are being used. While you view the video, think about these questions:

   ... How does the parent handle each situation?

   ... How do you think the parent feels?

   ... How do you think the teen feels?

   ... Think about what style of parenting you are using. (Which style would you like to be?)

6. Review and discuss video (5-10 mins.)
   

   Review parenting styles.

   ... Can you think of examples in your own family or that you have observed where one of these styles has been used?

   Have parents discuss each scenario shown:

   ... Identify parenting style used.

   ... How did the parent feel? Teen feel?

   ... A challenge to you is to try to identify parenting styles in your family.

7. Parenting styles activity (30 mins.)
   

   Distribute the "Parenting Styles" activity sheet.

   To expand on the impact of different parenting styles we will now participate in an activity and discussion.

   (Sample situations are presented, or you can select one of your own.)

   In this activity you try to think what a parent with each style might say and do, as well as how teens and parents feel about the style.

   Let's look at situation 1 and, as a group, discuss each of the parenting styles.

   Have a parent read situation #1. Then lead the parents through a discussion, asking them to identify what the parent says/does and feelings that both parent and teen might have. (See "Facilitator Guide: Parenting Styles Activity" for sample responses to situation 1.)

   Have parents form pairs or small groups. Ask them to select a situation from the activity sheet or use one of their own situations. Allow about 15 minutes for the small group discussion. Depending on time available, have small groups report back to the large group.

8. Parenting style and control (10-15 mins.)
   

   Highlight main points from handout.

   Discussion questions for parents (keeping parenting style and control in mind):

   1. What reaction might parents have to their teen stating "Leave me alone" or "You just don't understand!"

      • Think of ways you can "connect" with your teen.

        Examples: Offer to host a party for your teen's friends at your house; Drive a group of your teen's friends to an activity; Ask your teen to teach you, give you tips, or discuss one of their interest areas (sports, music, computer, hobbies); Provide and/or seek opportunities (informally) to talk one-on-one with your teen (take out to lunch, ride in a car, talk while preparing a meal together, etc.)

      • List some family rules you could have regarding monitoring your teen.

        Examples: "An adult needs to be present when you are over at a friend's house!" "If you go somewhere different from where you say you will be, please call indicating where you are." As the teen leaves the house, the parent asks when they will return, and reminds them that if the time changes, they should call.

      • Closing: Group round (5 mins.)

        We've talked about many things during our lesson including the difference between discipline and punishment, using negotiable and non-negotiable rules, parenting styles, and the impact of parenting style and control on both teens and parents.

        To close our session, I would like each of you to share one new thing we've talked about that you'd like to try with your teen.

      • Homework (2 mins.)

        If you would like to talk with your teenager about this topic area, you could watch a movie together and discuss it. Some movies are listed on the Resources list. Suggested movies are The Great Santini and Uncle Buck.

        Hand out Resource list and website list.

        Ask parents to use the "Rules and Limits in My Family" worksheet at home and discuss it with their teens.

Next Section: Adolescents and Decision Making