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Positive Parenting of Teens

Prepared by Rose Allen, University of Minnesota Extension Educator-Family Development, Ramsey County, MN

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Parent Handout: What Is Your Conflict Style?

What is your conflict style? Read the description of each conflict style below. Which styles apply to you?

The Shark

• My way is the right way.
• Because I know I am right, I need to get my way. Therefore, the means always justify the ends.
• When it comes to a decision or a task, my relationship with others is less important than getting it done.
• There are winners and losers in conflict-I want to be the winner.
• It's okay to use intimidation, power, and control to be a winner.

Sharks tend to use force in order to get the other person to give in. They believe conflict is a win/lose situation. The outcome of the conflict is more important than the feelings and needs of all those involved.

The Fox

• I'm not always sure that others appreciate how I get my way.
• It's okay to compromise, sometimes.
• I'll give a little if you give a little too.
• When it's really important to find a solution, I will budge from my position.

Foxes compromise and bargain. They look for ways for each side of a conflict to gain and lose equally. With this style, the needs and interests of each person are only partially met.

The Teddy Bear

• My goals don't matter at all if it means that conflict will hurt my relationship with the other person.
• The most important thing to me is to be accepted and liked by others.
• I avoid conflict at all cost.
• If I have a disagreement, I will avoid dealing with it because I don't want to damage my relationship with the other person.

Teddy bears try to smooth over conflict and avoid confronting issues. The needs of others are more important than solving the conflict.

The Turtle

• I would rather live in a shell than ever confront someone else.
• I avoid people and situations where there might be conflict.
• My needs and goals don't matter if it causes disagreement.
• Conflict can never be resolved, so why get involved?
• It's a whole lot easier to avoid conflict than to face it.

Turtles try to avoid conflict entirely. They don't attempt to satisfy their needs or the needs of others.

The Owl

• My goals and the relationships I have with others are important to me.
• When there is conflict, I look for solutions that get both my and the other person's needs met.
• I think that conflict can improve relationships between people.
• Dealing with conflict reduces tension.

Owls use problem-solving techniques that allow both sides to have their needs met. Everyone wins and everyone's perspectives about the conflict are recognized.

Next Section: Lesson Guide: Discipline

Resources

Adapted from Resolving Family Conflicts. HE Leaflet 69, Clemson University Cooperative Extension Service, February 1997.