Don't Bury Feelings

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We all have feelings, both good and bad. When we're happy, we don't hide it. We let our friends and family know. That's healthy. And letting people know when we're angry is healthy, too, as long as we express our feelings in healthy, nonviolent ways.

Learn to admit your feelings. Don't bury anger inside yourself. Repressed feelings are likely to explode sometime. Try to become aware of your feelings. See if you can describe how you feel. Talking out a situation helps you blow off steam without hurting anyone or anything.

A young woman's experience demonstrates how helpful this can be. Jean had been to a club meeting where things did not go well. In fact, she became so upset she got up and walked out. Jean hardly remembers driving home. But when she got there she did something positive about her feelings. She sat down and talked out her feelings while her husband listened. When she finished, her headache was gone and she felt human again. Her husband realized she didn't want advice. He merely listened while she blew off steam.

Driving home angry is dangerous. It's also an example of an unhealthy way to deal with anger. Talking it out is much safer. "Feelings are not bad; they just are."

When you begin to describe your feelings, you may not even know what they are. But when you share your feelings with someone you trust, you begin to know what you think and feel. This is a most important first step in dealing with your anger.

Ronald Pitzer
Family Sociologist

Originally published in July 1989

College of Human Ecology in cooperation with the University of Minnesota Extension Service

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