Two Can Hear Better Than One--At Times of Stress

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The mortgage loan is due and you are ready to re-negotiate the loan. You are needing to talk with the physician about the tests, suspecting some major problem. You have been called to the school about your child's behavioral problem. Do you do this alone?

When situations similar to the above confront people, many will try to handle it alone. However, when such situations arouse anxiety and/or fear, it might be very smart to have another person with you. When nerves are on edge, we tend to hear only part of what is said to us. If another person is able to listen to the same message, s/he can help avoid misunderstanding and misinterpretation. For those situations which affect the family, it is ideal to have the spouse present, if there is one. If one is single, then another family member and/or trusted friend can listen to what is said. Sometimes, even having another person listen in on a second phone line when discussing things with an attorney or a physician helps clarify the point of the conversation.

When negotiating or renegotiating a loan or mortgage, it is especially advisable for both the husband and wife to participate in the analysis and discussion with the creditor. In most families, both participate in the handling of the family finances and thus can contribute information which is helpful. One or the other may be able to discern subtle hints which are dropped. This shared action assists the creditors as well as the family. Even in communities where "only men" handle financial concerns, it is worth going against the trend to involve both the husband and the wife. Bankers and loan officers would be wise to know the valuable input and commitment which can be gained from involving both partners in the negotiation.

Some people get puzzled or confused when talking with a physician about medical conditions. By bringing a trusted family member or friend to the discussion, the questions and answers can be more thorough and better understood. Generally physicians appreciate anything which contributes to greater understanding and the minimizing of fears. Those items which are not discussed may cause additional fear, which is totally unwarranted.

Sue Meyers
Family Sociologist

Originally published in April 1985

College of Human Ecology in cooperation with the University of Minnesota Extension Service

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