"Protecting" Loved Ones From Stress

Copyright ©  1999  Regents of the University of Minnesota. All rights reserved.

Can you protect your loved ones from being negatively influenced by the stresses that you are experiencing? Should you keep information about a pending job change, move, or illness from a child? Generally the children and spouse are aware of the stressful situation being experienced by the family member, but may imagine alternatives which are much more frightening than the real situation.

Too often family members may feel they are protecting loved ones from bad news by not sharing the impact of a change. By isolating the other family members from the truth, it assumes that they are incapable of dealing with the problem. When others note a change in behavior, they often will attempt to determine what is causing the change. Their imaginations will work overtime, and will create alternatives which are even more serious than the real situation.

When children or adults are entrusted with the real situation, they can help contribute to minimizing the negative effects of the change. This allows each family member to be an active member of the family, for better and for worse. Most family members appreciate the opportunity to understand the real concerns within the family. It also allows them the potential for helping seek alternatives which can help deal with the problem at hand.

Sue Meyers
Family Sociologist

Originally published in January 1985

College of Human Ecology in cooperation with the University of Minnesota Extension Service

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