Beating the Blues I: Recognizing Stress Signals

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No family escapes trouble. At some time, every family faces a relative's death, a child's school failure, a parent's job loss. In the words of Mark Twain, no one can breeze through all of life's problems with the calm of a Christian holding four aces.

Almost everybody needs help at one time or another. The right help can make the difference between a healthy or a crippled life.

A first step in helping someone deal with stress is to recognize the signs. You might have heard: "I can't keep my mind on my work." "I can't relax." "I can't sleep." "I feel miserable, and I don't know why." These are signs of stress.

There are others. Have you heard someone bang the door, felt an overpowering tiredness, noticed a child withdrawing from the family? Are family members picking fights with each other more often than usual? Does your home seem always to be upset?

Those, too, are signs of stress. Too much stress in a short time can bring on the blues. These take many forms, and all of them hurt. When such low feelings last over several weeks, be concerned. These blues can be called a depression.

There are good and bad ways to deal with depression. Don't talk about "bucking up" or "snapping out of it." This denies the seriousness of someone's feelings. Instead, let the person express the feelings. It's normal for people to become upset. But it's not normal to stay that way for weeks at a time.

If you have a problem that gets you down, talk your feelings over with someone. And don't keep a problem from the children. They will know something is wrong anyway. If it's something the whole family could help with, explore the situation together. Include each person in any decisions that affect him or her. Children learn from you. If you face a problem honestly, so will they. Children only go to pieces when you do.

Ronald Pitzer
Family Sociologist

Originally published in December, 1981

College of Human Ecology in cooperation with the University of Minnesota Extension Service

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