Communicating With Your Provider

Copyright ©  2008  Regents of the University of Minnesota. All rights reserved.

The way you feel about using child care is largely a result of your relationship with your child care provider. Even if you have carefully selected a family child care home or child care center after considering many important issues—health and safety standards, number of children, food program, and caregiver qualifications—you are still leaving your son or daughter with someone you really don't know.

Communicate Every Day

Even when you are in a hurry to get to work or return home after a long day, the time you spend touching bases with your child care provider will help your provider do a better job.

Talk to your provider. The more your provider knows about what is happening in a child's family, the better he or she will be at providing care and guidance to fit your child's needs.

Listen to your provider. What did your child do that day? What's happening with other children in his or her care? Your child care provider is someone you need to know.

Show appreciation for what he or she does. Caring for children all day is hard work. Children provide some great rewards, but as a parent you need to remember that you can't take your provider's work for granted. Notice his or her successes. Remember to say thanks. Take the time to express your appreciation.

Respect the confidentiality of your relationship. If you do communicate regularly with your child care provider, most likely you will exchange confidential information about yourself, your child, and your family. Your provider will probably do the same. It's important that both you and your provider respect the confidentiality of this information.

Share daily pleasures. Your child care provider may spend more waking hours with your child than you do on any given day. He or she talks with the children in his or her care, feeds them, understands how they are feeling, knows their favorite activities, and observes them as they develop and grow. Don't hurry home without hearing about your child's day.

The more you understand about how your child spent his or her day, the better you will understand how he or she is doing in child care. Child care providers hope that by sharing information, parents will feel more comfortable about leaving their children in their care.

Take advantage of efforts your child care provider makes to communicate. Some common methods are:

• conversations at pick-up and drop-off time
  
  
• bulletin boards
  
  
• newsletters
  
  
• parent meetings or social events.
  
  

Communicating with your provider will help you feel more involved with your child's care. Communication is an important key to quality care—it's essential for both you and your provider to develop a parenting partnership.

Communication can also prevent conflicts between parents and child care providers. Differences that are discussed early can often be resolved before they become major issues. Sometimes, however, you may need to deal with conflict concerning the care of your child.

Communicating About Difficult Issues

In any relationship, conflict is inevitable. To be human is to experience conflict. Differences in opinion, values, wants, and needs are all a part of daily life.

Many of us have learned that conflict is bad, something to be avoided. Conflict, if handled constructively, can result in greater understanding and problem-solving between interested parties.

In the parent-child care provider relationship, there is a strong chance of conflict. One reason for this is that parenting is an emotional process consisting of a variety of feelings, attitudes, and values. Another reason is that there is no one "right" way to parent.

Common Conflicts

The following are some common reasons that parents become dissatisfied with child care arrangements.

• a desire for more educational stimulation
  
  
• caregiver undependability
  
  
• lack of social stimulation from peers
  
  
• caregiver neglect
  
  
• caregiver values are different from their own
  
  
• unhealthy facility conditions
  
  
• child mistreatment by caregiver and others
  
  
• poor communication or coordination with the caregiver
  
  
• problems in child's adjustment
  
  
• misunderstandings about policies such as vacation and holiday pay, field trips, etc.
  
  

Research shows that providers have conflicts with parents because of differing parenting values, limited interest in the child, and lack of respect for the provider. Common actions that bring about these conflicts include not paying on time, arriving late to pick up children, or not treating the provider as a professional.

Handling Conflict

Many parents will quit using the provider's services instead of confronting a difficult problem. Although a change in child care may be one solution, it may also not be the best one for your child.

It's important to think through the problem before confronting the provider. What happens if it does not get resolved? Is it worth confronting? Is it just a "pet peeve" or is it causing true concern for you and your child? Would it cause concern if your life was less stressful? How have you contributed to the conflict?

It is useful to separate the conflict into two aspects: emotion and content. In the parent-provider role it is important to consider the emotions of the individuals involved. Emotions that create conflict usually include feelings of guilt, shame, jealousy, anger, pressure, feeling left out, and worry. Another emotional issue contributing to conflict is the issue of control or power over the child's life. Shared parenting means that each person will have less total control or power.

The content involved in conflict might relate to conflicting needs, disagreements over policies and practices, and differing ideas of roles.

If you think it is worth trying to resolve a problem, take time to set an appointment with your provider. Most communication occurs when children are dropped off or picked up. This is usually not a good time to deal with a conflict. Plan a time to discuss your concerns when your child isn't present.

Focus On The Emotions First

The following guidelines will help you in your relationship with your child care provider:

1. Remember to treat your child care provider with respect.
   
   
2. Listen until you understand your provider's point of view. Your provider will be more receptive to your needs if you have been positive about his or her work in the past.
   
   
3. State your own views, needs, and feelings. Be honest. Use "I" statements like, "I'm uncomfortable with my child calling you 'Mom.' I'm not clear on your practices about names."
   
   

Focus On The Solution Second

1. Define the problem in terms of needs. For example, "My son Johnny likes it here and I would like to see our differences resolved so he can stay." Talk about possible solutions (this might include raising rates).
   
   
2. Select the solution that will best meet both parties' needs.
   
   
3. Plan who will do what, and agree on a deadline.
   
   
4. Implement the plan.
   
   
5. Discuss the solution at a later date to determine if it's working for both you and the provider.
   
   

Minnesota Extension Service
University of Minnesota
College of Human Ecology

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This information is intended to help parents make the best decision about the selection of child care for their family. The University of Minnesota Extension Service does not recommend any particular providers or any specific type of care.

Produced by Communication and Educational Technology Services, University of Minnesota Extension.

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