This product is available in two versions:
07776 - A Parent's Guide to Teens: The Growing Season Book To Order
07607 - A Parent's Guide to Teens: The Growing Season Video (on VHS) and Guide To Order
A Parent's Guide to Teens: The Growing Season
Ronald L. Pitzer, Family Sociologist, University of Minnesota,
in collaboration with over 40 family development experts
Copyright ©
2003 Regents of the University of
Minnesota. All rights reserved.
NOTE: This is a Web Sampler. Information about the complete publication and how to order it is available for the Book and Video and Guide.
Return to the main page for this sampler
Guide
The original 88-page guide
Table of Contents
Conflict
"The minute you dig in
your heels you've lost ground."
C. Leslie Charles
"Conflict is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
Unknown
No matter what you disagree about, your teen needs to
know she is loved.
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Sometimes it feels as if it happens overnight. One morning your
outgoing, full of life, happy 12-year-old wakes up with an attitude.
He may be sullen and withdrawn. She may suddenly argue with
nearly everything you say. He may disappear into his room for
days. She may question all the rules. "What has gone wrong?"
you may ask. The answer is nothing. Believe it or not, this
is normal teenage behavior.
We want to help you:
- Have fewer conflicts with your teenager.
- Settle conflicts when they do happen.
- Understand what makes you angry.
It's not possible to live together without experiencing conflict.
Conflict occurs when one person feels his or her beliefs,
values, way of living, or territory are threatened; when there
are disagreements about how to do something; when there is
not enough of something to satisfy everyone; and when communication
has broken down.
Conflict can be good if we use it wisely, or it can be destructive.
Conflict can help us:
- Understand each other better.
- Become aware of problems that need to be solved.
Conflict can be a form of energy when we need to figure out
what to do. Conflict is an essential part of building trust
with each other. However, conflict can really take a lot of
time and energy in a relationship. Our relationships can be
damaged if we don't resolve our differences. Conflict can
make us feel bad about ourselves and the other person, and
we may behave in ways we regret later.
There are a few simple things to keep in mind when dealing
with your teen and conflict.
- Avoid criticism and ridicule.
- Go lightly on advice.
- Take your teen and his problems seriously.
- Communicate clearly.
- Make sure you are available to your teen even if she doesn't
seem to want to talk.
- Be clear about who is in charge of your teen's behavior
and who is responsible when things happen.
Getting
the most out of the Conflict video segment
While you watch the video think about:
- Ways in which conflict is used wisely.
- Where the developmental issues of the teen creates conflict.
- Where unconditional love and acceptance of the teen is
used.
- Situations a parent should ignore in order to avoid turning
a minor annoyance into a battle.
After viewing, discuss the information with your partner,
teen, and others.
