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Communication Between Parents and Teen

10 Ways to Talk to Your Teen

Teens want explanations for almost every parental decision and when they don't get a satisfactory answer, there is often a breakdown in communication. Conversations then can become arguments and that can be disappointing. Parents need to use patience, love, and positive communication skills. Research suggests several helpful ideas for communicating with your teen.

1. Be willing to put an end to the conversation. Teens know that they can wear down most adults with sheer repetition and persistence. When a discussion has reached the point where it is spinning and no one is getting anywhere, end it. If you continue discussing the issue you're asking for trouble. Frustration may cause things to be said that you both may regret later.
2. Remember your teen's self-image is fragile. Teens are quick to interpret what you say as disrespectful or an attack on who they are. You need to think before you react.
3. Step back and let your teen solve her problems. As an adult your teen is going to make lots of decisions. Let her have the experience of making decisions now while she still has you close by to help if need be.
4. Be patient and understanding. Teens are trying to become independent adults. They often appear to be listening and acting more like their peers than you. It is frustrating to see your teen having lively conversations with a friend and then shut down when you try to talk. Try to be patient. Remember that the majority of teens see their parents as their number one source of information and support. They are hearing much of what you are saying.
5. Find the time to talk with your teen-not just at your teen. Nobody, including adults, likes to be quizzed about their day the moment they walk in the door. It is better to try and talk over a shared activity, such as going for a walk, playing a game, riding in the car, or when you're fixing dinner together.
6. Be willing to apologize when you make a mistake. Nothing makes a bigger impression on teens than adults admitting they were wrong or messed up.
7. Be tolerant of your teen's appearance. Teens are busy experimenting with who they are in ways that you as a parent may not approve, from their clothing choices to hair color to the friends they hang out with.
8. Listen. Listen. Listen. When pressed, most teens will say and do the right thing. If your teen doesn't believe you will listen to him, he will stop talking to you. Force yourself to listen. If necessary, count to 100 before responding and avoid giving unwanted advice or lectures.
9. Everything can't be a big deal. Pick your battles carefully. Think about what is really important to you. Make sure your teen understands that she is the one that really matters.
10. Remember to tell your teen often how much you love him. Let him know that he is an important part of your life and the world is a better place because he is in it!

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