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Helping Children Become Responsible

Prepared by H. Rita Straub, University of Wisconsin Extension Family Living Agent, Marathon County, WI.

Revised November 2008 by Kathleen Olson, Extension Educator - Family Relations

The idea of teaching responsibility to children in our society and culture has changed, but some of the basics remain from generation to generation. The dictionary defines responsible as “personal accountability or the ability to act without guidance or higher authority.” Obedience is “submitting to or complying with the restraints or commands of others.”

Most parents want their children to become responsible. This characteristic develops over time with continued parental guidance. Children are taught responsibility when they help with necessary normal work and activities in the home. They learn to do things they may have to do even when a parent is not present. As a benefit the child develops a sense of belonging to the family, a sense of being needed, and a positive self-concept and learns to become independent and prepared for adulthood.

Children benefit from being taught responsibility through:

• Gaining organizational skills needed to get a task completed.
• Working with others.
• Learning a new skill or improving an existing skill.

Parents benefit from teaching children responsibility through:

• Sharing the workload given to children.
• Serving as a role model.
• Balancing work and time for the entire family.

Parents can mentally review the three parts of responsibility as they relate to a task or chore:

• Does the child understand the task?
• Does the child accept the task?
• Does the child have the ability to motivate him or herself to do the task?

Parents and adults are very important role models for children. Our attitude toward responsibility may be learned quickly by our children without ever discussing it with them. We want children to become confident in their skills and abilities as they grow and mature. It is always a challenge for parents to know when to involve a child. The easiest way is to watch for signs of development in the child. For example, the child may do some physical lifting, climbing, or fixing of a toy that looks similar to what a task requires.

Stand by the first time a child does a chore to answer questions, offer encouragement or reassurance, and just to know the child can handle it. Encourage a child to assist you with the task to compare the child’s capabilities with the task. Parents and children can work together as a team in getting work completed and contribute their share in an age-appropriate manner.

References

Clemes, Harris and Reynold Bean. How to Teach Children Responsibility. Price Stern Sloan, Inc. 1990.

Crary, Elizabeth. Pick Up Your Socks . . . and Other Skills Growing Children Need!. Parenting Press. 1990.

Adapted with permission from Positive Parenting II: A Video-Based Parent Education Curriculum (University of Minnesota Extension Service, 1997). This product is no longer available.