Perception: A Key Variable in Family Stress Management Ronald L. Pitzer

Copyright ©  2008  Regents of the University of Minnesota. All rights reserved.

It has always puzzled observers that some families ride out floods or disasters or financial difficulties without serious ill effects, whereas other families facing the same circumstances become disorganized or are even destroyed. The clue to understanding this difference resides in the fact that stress does not result simply from some negative circumstance. It is rather the interplay of several variables which largely determines what happens to a person or family when stressors or problems are encountered.

These variables include: 1) the hardships associated with the condition or event, 2) how the situation is perceived or defined, 3) the inner resources and coping capacities the person or family has, and 4) the external resources and supports which the family or person can mobilize--formal agencies or professionals and informal networks of kin, friends, and neighbors.

This fact sheet looks at the second of these variables--perception or definition. According to University of Minnesota family stress researcher, Pauline Boss, "The family's perception of an event is a powerful, if not the most powerful, variable in explaining family stress."

Perception

"Seeing is believing. I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't believed it."
(Ashleigh Brilliant)

The above statement captures the essence and significance of perception as a force in human behavior. Communication, problem-solving, decision-making, and stress management are all greatly affected by the perception of the individuals and families involved. Human beings do more than merely sense their world through sight, sound, touch, taste, or smell. When humans get data (information) from any of their senses, they "perceive" it. That is, they make some sense or meaning of it; they interpret; they define situations and events; they make inferences and draw conclusions.

Perception and the Stress Response

What happens in the mind and body to trigger the stress response? First, there must be an event or situation which is perceived by the mind as undesirable or threatening. The threat can come from an external source, such as a warning about an overdue debt or a physical danger, or it can be a pain within the body. The threat can be real or imagined. Whether the stressor is real or not, the body's stress response is always real. Sometimes people have severe stress reactions to imagined stressors. According to sociologist W. I. Thomas, "If people define situations as real, they are real in their consequences."

A woman brought the morning mail in. Among the several items was an "official" letter from the bank (one of those letters with a little window). Upon seeing the letter the woman became anxious and upset. Without having opened the envelope, the woman said to her husband: "Oh, Ed, we're overdrawn. How could that have happened? I'm always very careful about recording checks. Could I have forgotten to record one? Did I make a mistake in subtracting? Did you write a check and not tell me? Somebody must have forged a check--or maybe a lot of checks! Oh what are we going to do?" The woman, now very agitated, was still holding the unopened envelope. Her husband opened the letter and found that the bank was reporting a small error in bookkeeping on the bank's part. The correspondence from a bank official was to inform them that they were being credited for $8.63.

In that situation, the stress response occurred in all its force, even though it was triggered by a quick, and wrong, perception. The interpretation, although incorrect, was real in its consequences. If you have ever been frightened by a rubber snake which you thought was real, you have experienced the consequences of a false perception.

When a stressful event or situation occurs, the mind quickly assesses its significance and sends messages throughout the body via the central nervous system. Energy is rapidly distributed throughout the body by the bloodstream and the body's resources are mobilized to defend itself against the perceived threat. The level of your stress in a situation depends on the intensity of meaning you attach to the source of the stress.

Perception and Emotions

It is customary to attribute our feelings directly to events or people: "When my car broke down, it made me so angry." Or, "He makes me so angry when he..." But the reaction is a bit more complex. It wasn't the car's behavior that made the man angry nor is it her husband's behavior that makes the woman angry. More accurately, the interpretation of the event leads to the emotion. When Bill's car broke down his self-talk may have taken this form: "Oh, no! What's wrong with this car? That car dealer sure did swindle me. He had no right..." That sort of interpretation is likely to lead to anger. But that is not the only possible reaction to or perception of the situation and other interpretations of the same event (car breakdown) would lead to other emotions. For example, another person might respond: "Whew! I'm glad that water pump went out today a few blocks from home rather than next week in the middle of Death Valley" (emotion: relief). Or, "Boy, the traffic is heavy. I'd better get this car over on the shoulder before I get rear-ended!" (emotion: anxiety, fear). Or, to stretch credulity a bit: "That's all for this clunker. Now, I can finally get the new car I've been wanting" (emotion: elation). Each of the interpretations of or reactions to the event of a car breakdown leads to different feelings and probably to different behaviors.

Perception and Problem-Solving

Our perception or definition of the problem also affects the outcomes or solutions we are able to formulate or imagine. Sometimes we limit our options or fail to consider possible solutions by the way we "see," define, or describe the problem. For example, if a woman who wants her husband to build an addition to the house sees her problem as a lazy husband, her array of possible solutions is limited. There probably are only three solutions to the problem of a lazy husband--get rid of him, come to accept him, or change him. Only one of these--change him--can lead to her desired goal. But changing the behavior of another person is not an easy task.

It is never productive and rarely accurate to identify our problem as someone else's behavior. More accurately, our problem is how we are affected by the other person's behavior. In the case above, a more accurate and productive definition of the woman's problem is that she wants more space in her house, but doesn't have it. Viewed that way, other possible options besides "getting her husband off his lazy duff" open up. For example, she could do it herself (perhaps with his help); she could hire someone else to do it; or perhaps she can rearrange existing space.

An important step in solving problems and eliminating stressors is careful definition of the problem. Can you take the time to carefully consider what has happened, what is going on, what is involved in this situation? Can you recognize over-reactions, faulty assumptions, taken-for-granteds growing out of your values or previous experiences? Just talking out your problem or worries with someone often makes you more aware of such matters. Their views and experiences may also bring clearer or different perspectives to your attention.

Perception and Communication

"Most of our failures in understanding one another have less to do with what is said and what is heard than with what is intended and what is inferred."
(George A. Miller, psychologist)

It is not only in stress-producing situations that perception is an important process. Whenever we observe another's behavior, whenever we hear words being spoken, whenever we get information through any of our senses, we always draw some conclusion about what was meant or intended. If our interpretation is reasonably correct, our response probably will be reasonably appropriate. If, however, our conclusion is incorrect or the meaning we make of the person's actions or words is different from what was intended, our response may not be appropriate.

Two realizations are important. First, there is an interpretation step in every instance of communication. Second, since our interpretation is based on our values, beliefs, and experiences, it could be incorrect. The solution to this potential communication error is relatively simple. Check out your interpretation with the other person before responding or acting. It takes only a few seconds to ask, "Do you mean...?" or "Do I correctly understand you to be saying...?"

Two Perception Problems

Our perception is very important in determining if and how we can manage a stressful event or situation. According to Boss, two problems in perception sometimes arise and constitute barriers to the resolution of stress in families--ambiguity and denial. Ambiguity is encountered when people are prevented from getting accurate facts about a situation affecting them or they encounter confusion regarding the family's membership, roles, and rules. Where such ambiguity occurs, families are handicapped in carrying out their daily functions. Boss discusses ambiguity in a companion publication, Ambiguity: A Factor in Stress Management, FS-2469.

A frequent response to change, crisis, or loss is denial. Indeed, denial typically is the first step in grieving a Ioss--of a loved one, a job, a farm or home where we have long lived or others. Essentially, denial is the failure or refusal to perceive realistically. Denying that something has happened or that such a thing could happen to us is a way to protect ourselves when faced with a painful circumstance. It can be an appropriate first response to a crisis, while we are getting used to the new situation. However, reality must eventually be faced. Boss discusses denial in a companion publication, Denial: A Coping Mechanism That Can Cause Even More Stress, FS-2470.

Redefining the Situation

As part of the coping process, stress counselors sometimes ask clients to try to reframe their problems or redefine their situation. If it is a solvable problem, redefinition may help in getting a handle on the problem or may bring awareness of other solutions or approaches. For those stress-producing situations which cannot be changed (crop-ruining weather conditions, the death of a loved one), reframing your perception may help you accept the inevitable. It is much more productive to expend your stress energies on active searching for appropriate responses than to dwell on such unchangeable sources of stress. Reframing may take the form of looking for some positives--some rays of hope--in the unfortunate situation. A key principle in stress management is to do something positive, to engage in active coping rather than to withdraw into passive depression or to wallow in self-pity.

The "serenity prayer" is solid mental health wisdom: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." (Reinhold Niebuhr)

For Further Reading

Boss, Pauline, Family Stress . Beverly Hills: Sage (in press). For a more technical discussion, see Pauline Boss, "Family Stress: Perception and Context." In Marvin B. Sussman and Susan Steinmetz (eds), Handbook on Marriage and the Family . Plenum, 1986. Robinson, Jerry. Stress and How to Live With It. Meredith Corp., 1982.

Material prepared as a part of North Central Region Stress Management Program Focused on Farm Families using data from NC1 64, Stress, Coping and Adaptation in the Middle Years ofthe Family Life Cycle. Project funded by Extension Service, USDA.

Ronald L. Pitzer
Family Sociologist, School of Social Work
College of Human Ecology

Other Minnesota Extension Service publications in the Family Stress Series .

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