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There are four basic styles of parenting. Although parents at one time or another use all the parenting styles they tend to primarily parent using one approach. The parenting styles represent a combination of two elements. The first is parental warmth, which is comprised of parental responsiveness and affection toward the child(ren). The second is parental control, which is characterized by how demanding or restrictive parents are toward their child(ren).
The first type of parenting style is referred to as dominating or authoritarian. These parents are firm believers in rules and high expectations for behavior. They show their love by expecting the best from their children, but rarely show affection. Communication is generally one way - from the parent to the child. These parents are sometimes rigid and harsh in correcting bad behavior. There is little or no room for the child to creatively solve problems, or disagree with the parent's instructions. Research shows that children brought up in these families seldom thrive. Either their spirits are broken and they give up, or more often, they rebel.
The second type of parenting style is known as permissive. These parents show their children lots of love, give them what they ask for, communicate openly and let them do what they want most of the time. They have trouble setting and enforcing rules. These parents prefer to be friendly rather than a disciplinarian and sometimes feel like their children walk all over them. Some of the main consequences for children raised within this style is that they do not learn that there are boundaries or limits on their behavior, they do not develop respect for the rights of others, and may feel insecure. Since they have not learned to cooperate and compromise, they often have difficulty adjusting to the world outside the family.
The third type of parenting is considered unengaged or uninvolved. These parents may feel uncomfortable about parenting because they don’t spend much time with their children. They may focus more on work or other interests and when they are around their children they are often preoccupied and not focused on them. These parents assume the other parent is doing a pretty good job and are often convinced that they wouldn’t be helpful anyway. Research shows that children who are raised in households with parents who are uninvolved perform most poorly in all areas.
The final type of parenting is called positive or authoritative. These parents believe children need love but also need rules, high expectations and guidance in order to meet these expectations. They view parenting as their most important job, and serve as a role model for their children by modeling the respect they expect from them. These parents believe in listening to their children, but when it comes down to it, they have the final say regarding issues involving safety, values and health. Children know what is expected of them and they know their parents will be consistent, fair and firm.
Research shows that the respectful parenting style produces the best outcomes for children’s health and well-being. Some of the qualities that children reared by positive parents exhibit include:
University of Minnesota Extension Service (1997). Parents Forever: Education for Families in Divorce Transition. St. Paul, MN: University of Minnesota Extension Service.
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