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How Behavior Changes in Young Pre-Schoolers Ages 2.5-4 Years Old

Rose Allen

Revised July 2009 by the author

Children are born and then they grow – and grow, and grow. As they grow they show many changes in their abilities and behaviors. Here's what you can expect from your child's development at ages 2.5 to 4 years.

This is the age of independence. It's also time when children develop and use imagination, master language skills, and imitate the behavior of parents and other children.

There are many behaviors that challenge parents at this age. This can be a time of power struggles. Children at this age can be difficult to take to stores, restaurants, or other public places. Preschoolers might say, "I don't love you," or, "You're not my friend." They will whine and be fearful about your leaving. They'll become frustrated as they try to do things that they can't quite do yet, and they will keep parents waiting as they insist on doing things themselves. One minute they insist on being treated like a big kid and the next minute they want to be babied.

At this stage, children really want to please their parents. It is important that you talk and spend time together. Be aware of the fears and insecurities she might feel. It is normal for children at this stage to disagree with Mom, Dad, or other people who care for them. This is a good age to introduce your child to nursery school, Head Start, or some other preschool experience. Often children respond much better to another caregiver than to their parents. This is also a time when children begin learning how to be a part of a group – a necessary skill for school success.

Distraction is a good disciplinary tool for this age. When your child seems stuck in an activity, use distraction. Change the subject, ask a question, say something nice, or whisper. This helps the child pay attention to something besides the problem that is causing frustration. If used carefully and sparingly, time out can also work, especially if the parent and child are having a conflict. Use time out as a chance to cool off. When it is over, work on correcting the behavior.

As young pre-schoolers become more independent and insist on doing things for themselves, it is easy to forget they are still small children who need a great deal of time and guidance. Cherish this time when your children want to help make beds and prepare lunch. Respect their independence; give them the chance to do things on their own.