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How Behavior Changes in Older Pre-Schoolers Ages 4-5

Rose Allen

Revised July 2009 by the author

As children grow, they show many changes in their abilities and behaviors. Here is what you can expect of an older preschooler, ages 4 to 5.

This is an exuberant age. Everything children do is very loud, very fast, and very intense. Children at this age test their limits, become aware of right and wrong and begin to care for others. They also have an endless thirst for attention.

Older preschoolers can exhibit a lot of behavior that challenges parents. They might try out swearing, toilet talk, boasting and silly talk. They will test limits--where they can go, how high they can jump, how loud they can yell. They will show high spirits, out of bounds behavior, and high energy that can really tire parents out. Children may argue with parents, caregivers, or friends. They may tell lies.

It is really important to have the limits and rules clearly stated. Talk about rules by stating the rule and telling the child why. For example, say, "You never cross the street without a grown up." Explain by adding, "You could be hit by a car."

Remember to catch your child being good. Give him your full attention. This prevents your child from misbehaving to get your attention. If it is hard to get your child’s attention, remember that kids at this age love surprises. Use a whisper rather than a shout, or try saying, "Guess what?". If possible, ignore wild but harmless behavior.

Discipline that works at this age includes the use of time outs. Consider a time out as a way to calm down. When time out is over, let the child correct the behavior that caused her to be put on a time out. Let a child know that you like or don't like their behavior. Your approval or disapproval is a powerful tool.

Use of logical and natural consequences also works well at this age. For example, if a child refuses to eat breakfast, let him experience getting hungry long before lunch. This is a natural consequence. If a child goes in the street with her bike when she’s not allowed to, she loses her bike for one day. This is a logical consequence. And be sure to set goals with your children and give rewards. It’s important to build a track record of small successes.

Remember that the goal of discipline is teaching. This is a great age to help your child learn responsibility. Take this opportunity to step in and teach your child about how his behavior affects the world around him.