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School and Learning Resources for Parents

How Behavior Changes During the Transition to School, Ages 5 - 6.5

Rose Allen

Revised July 2009 by Rose Allen

As children grow, they show many changes in their abilities and behavior. Here is what you can expect during the transition to school, ages 5 to 6.5 years.

At this age children have a good grasp of language. They understand what you are telling them and they can communicate thoughts, feelings and desires. This is a time of friendships, when they enjoy being with other children. Children also understand the results of their actions and behavior, but still view the world with themselves at the center, so they may take things that don't belong to them, act defiant or rude, and not admit that they did something wrong.

Parents with school-age children need to remember not to criticize, because it often makes the behavior worse. When your child refuses to do something or acts defiant, give him another chance. For example, say, "I’m pretty sure I asked you to get your shoes on. I bet you didn’t hear me. Let’s see how fast you can do it." Or give her a challenge, such as completing a task before you count to ten. Try to avoid direct commands. This gets around your child’s tendency to refuse to do anything you tell them to do.

It may be necessary to re-examine rules. If you seem to be fighting over and over about an issue, ask yourself if the rule is still reasonable. If it doesn’t make a big difference anymore, let go of the rule.

Discipline methods that work for younger school-age children include natural and logical consequences, loss of privilege, bargaining and restitution. If a child insists on wearing a winter coat in the middle of the summer, let him experience getting hot. If she refuses to pick up her toys, warn her they will be taken away for a day and then follow through.

Loss of privilege can be effective, also. For example, if your child behaves badly at a friend’s house, don’t allow him to play with that friend for a certain period of time. Expect your child to make restitution. If he breaks a friend’s toy, he must fix it or replace it and be accountable for his behavior.

Time outs also work at this age if used only in a few circumstances. Tell the child she will be put on a time out if she continues to do something she shouldn’t be doing. Use time outs as a way to calm down. When the time out is over, talk about what she was doing that made you put her on a time out.

You are her most important teacher. Your child needs you to set limits and most importantly, let her know when she behaves well.