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Information for Parents and Caregivers of Teens

Joys and Challenges of Parenting Teens

Jo Musich

Parenting teens includes joys as well as challenges. Being aware of the "positive side of parenting teens" will help you to feel more competent and to enjoy your teen more. If you acknowledge the joys of parenting to yourself, to others, and especially to your teen, you will give the joyful times the recognition they deserve.

You can do this by being thoughtful. Sometimes parents over emphasize the annoyances and negatives and under emphasize the joys and positives of parenting. Instead, think about positive parenting and then follow with action. Watch your ‘self-talk’ so your thoughts remain focused on the positive. Also, talk out loud about the positive things about being a parent and about your teen.

For example: When Janet’s teens are getting ready for school in the morning, she purposely compliments each one. "Mary, thank you for taking out the trash," or "Jeff, you look happy today."

Following are "joys" you can use in parenting teens:

• Watch your teen take pride in learning or doing a sport, computer, game, meal or job.
• Talk with your teen while clearing the table after a family meal, riding in the car, buying or changing automobile oil, or watching a video together.
• Acknowledge when your teen listens to siblings without interrupting, introduces friends to parents, writes thank you notes, uses good table manners and dresses appropriately.
• See your teen grow in independence such as being responsible for waking up on time, doing homework and chores.
• Listen when your teen discusses problem-solving skills, ideas, solutions, and values.

Teens may also challenge and annoy you. Following are examples of annoyances you may experience when parenting teens. Your teen may:

• Repeatedly forget homework assignments.
• Not get up in time to get ready for school; tardiness becomes a problem.
• Watch inappropriate television, videos, websites, or go against family guidelines.
• Spend almost all time at home in his or her room.

When one of the above actions occurs or other challenging behavior, don’t take it personally. Wait for a time when you are alone, mention the behavior and tell them there will be consequences. Be specific and then change the subject or leave. Then be consistent. When challenging behavior happens, follow through with the consequence. Knowing there will be a consequence is more important than what it is.

Keep track of both challenges and joys you've observed for a day and compare the results. Be reflective about what parenting worked and what didn’t. Don’t give up on your teen, because working together to improve your relationship is definitely worthwhile!