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Information for Parents and Caregivers of Teens

Teens and Family Responsibilities

Mary Schroeder, Extension Educator

Most parents want their teen to share household tasks such as cleaning, meal preparation, or washing the car. They want to teach their teen about family responsibilities by having them help with these household tasks.

There are many advantages to having teens help with household tasks. Teens learn about their role in the family and the importance of helping others. They can see the results of what happens when they do not follow through with their responsibilities. As teens becomes older, they can take on new responsibilities that help them develop a sense of independence and self-reliance.

An important benefit of teens helping with household responsibilities is that it teaches them the skills they will need when they have an apartment or house of their own. If teens are given the responsibility for washing the laundry and cleaning the bathroom as they are growing up, they will know how to do these tasks when on their own.

Although there are many advantages to teens helping with family responsibilities, it is often difficult to get cooperative, cheerful help from reluctant teens. Communication among all family members is the key to the success of having teens help with household tasks. Involve the teen in the decision making process. Rather than telling them what they should do, ask them what they would be willing to do. Another option would be to provide them with a list of tasks that need to be completed and have them pick out what they would like to do. Short, once-a-week family meetings are extremely helpful.

Teens have a tremendous need for fairness. If mom, dad or siblings are not helping around the house, it will be difficult to convince the teen that they need to be responsible for certain tasks. You can make household responsibilities easier by setting rules for shared spaces of the home. For example, all papers in the living room need to be picked up by bedtime or they will be tossed out. Then, make sure you follow through on the consequences set.

Avoid blaming and labeling. Try humorous or creative ways to remind teens of their responsibilities. For example rather than telling your teen he/she is lazy for not picking up clothing left on the floor, ask if clothing is being left for the invisible maid. Remember teens are still learning about household responsibilities. Offer praise, thanks, and encouragement…even if the meal your teen prepared was a little different than what is normally prepared.

Finally, don’t force the issue. If the teen refuses to fulfill their responsibilities, calmly explain that there will be no friends over, car available, or computer usage until after the work is done. Again, following through on the consequences is key.

It is safe to say that teens’ household activities and responsibilities help them to explore the general world of work, develop helping behaviors, and grow toward independence. Involving teens in household tasks provides families an opportunity for communication, problem solving, role modeling, discussion of gender roles, and potential reduction of family stress.