Search Extension:
Being the parent of a teen is often viewed as a challenging and sometimes stressful job. Unfortunately, if parents live by this viewpoint, it could get in the way of enjoying the teen years for what they truly are. The teen years are a time for teens to discover who they are, what they value and the path they want to set out on toward adulthood.
Family studies confirm what teens believe but may not always express at least to their parents. Teens say parents are their number one choice for support and information. Teens want their parents to be close by, to set clear rules, to help them if they stumble and to be there when they succeed.
Parents who do these things make a significant impact on the development of their teen’s self-esteem; something that is crucial to a teen’s psychological health. One of the best ways to build self-esteem is to show respect to teens.
Respect is the “quality or state of being esteemed”. Young people need to know that they are valued by adults. There are a number of ways to communicate respect to teens.
Take young people seriously. Adolescents need to be seen as mature, unique people. Parents need to consider them as equal to adults in their worth and dignity. Unfortunately, some adults tend to brush off what adolescents are going through with trivial comments like “it’s only. . .”; “you’re just going through a stage”; or “your life is easy now, just wait until you are an adult”. Adults need to make an effort to be more understanding and accepting of all teen feelings and experiences.
Keep in mind that teenagers are not children. Teenagers are encountering an amazing array of changes in all areas of their lives. Therefore, the ways that adults interact with them needs to change, too. Comments like “act your age” or “why don’t you grow up” are demeaning and never show understanding for anyone’s real feelings.
Treat teens the way you expect to be treated. Ask teens for their suggestions and opinions. They have much to offer if given a chance. Pay attention to what they are saying with comments using basic courtesies including “please” and “thank you”.
Recognize their talents, abilities, and efforts. Tell teens when they’ve done a good job. Too often, we only respond to the lack of action. Let them know their contributions were appreciated. This really “paves the way” for their self-respect.
Pitzer, R. (1999). Positive Parenting of Teens: A Video-Based Parent Education Curriculum. St. Paul, MN: University of Minnesota Extension. (This curriculum is no longer available.)
© 2011 Regents of the University of Minnesota. All rights reserved.
The University of Minnesota is an equal opportunity educator and employer.
