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Information for Parents and Caregivers of Teens

Crossing Paths– Adolescence and Midlife

Colleen Gengler, Extension Educator in Family Relations

Parents of teens may not have thought of the similarities between their own experience in midlife and what their teen is going through. Parents and teens may be experiencing “life changes” at the very same time. Parents may be faced with making important decisions about new opportunities such as changing jobs or re-examining life goals. Similarly, teens may be busy planning their futures, anticipating new opportunities, and experiencing growing independence.

Both parents and adolescents can actually have similar feelings but for far different reasons. These common feelings could create tension and conflict in family relationships. Feelings such as uncertainty, anxiety, tension and anger may be a part of these teen and parent developmental changes. Both may question life’s meaning, seek new self-identity, worry about their abilities or health or seek to decide their future direction. Knowing that change is common for both parent and teen, parents can seek to improve the relationship with their teen in these ways:

Seek information and understanding about how teens develop. Read what you can and talk to other parents. But, be careful to not compare your teen to others.

Feel good about your parenting style. Look for ways to encourage your teen’s independence and decision-making.

Have a positive attitude about your changing teen and your own changing life. Look at change as natural and as a time for new experiences and personal growth.

Help build confidence and positive self-esteem in your teen. Share stories with your teen about when you were younger.

Talk to your teen. Two-way communication is important in building relationships. Take time to listen to your teen and share things that are stressful in your own life.

Try to remember what it was like to be a teenager. Stay interested in your teen’s life and spend time with them. Keep your perspective and sense of humor.

Be an encouraging role model. Have interests outside of being a parent and take care of yourself.