Resources for Separated
Extension Employees

When you receive notification of a lay-off or non-renewal, it can turn your world around. Questions and concerns about finances and health benefits are paramount. Uncertainty about your job future abounds. You may not know what to do, where to find new work, how to job-hunt effectively, or what additional training, if any, you need. And, then there are the very difficult feelings of anger, fear, self-doubt, frustration, shock, numbness, and confusion that arise. It's hard to know what to do and where to start picking up the pieces and moving forward. This website is designed to help you know the questions to ask and what to expect when you receive a notification of lay-off or non-renewal. It covers coping with the news, getting the facts, and job-hunting/career development issues.

Coping with the news:

Emotional Realities of an Impending Lay-off/Non-Renewal

A profound emotional impact is expected and is normal for one experiencing an involuntary job termination. The specter of insufficient income to meet our daily needs can produce a real sense of panic and loss. These feelings ARE overwhelming yet necessary to experience if we are to gradually move on. At times, it may not seem possible to cope but we can adjust to the new reality facing us and gradually begin focusing on moving into the future.

Stages of Grief

Losing your job can be as painful as any other significant loss (losing a loved one, divorce.) Following any loss or change, people typically experience a grieving process. There are 5 distinct phases of grief: 1) Shock and Denial, 2) Anger, 3) Depression and Detachment, 4) Dialogue and Bargaining and 5) Acceptance. We do not experience these in a lock-step fashion and it is common to bounce back and forth, re-experiencing stages you had once moved through.

Anger: Anxiety, irritation, frustration, embarrassment, and shame often characterize this stage. Decision-making is often quite difficult because of the strong emotions involved.

Depression/Detachment: This stage is often experienced as an overwhelming sense of "the blues" and a general lack of energy. You may sleep more OR less than usual. You may feel that you have no energy for the things you want to do or should do. A feeling of helplessness can also be prevalent as every potential solution or action seems destined to fail. It is especially important during this phase to rely on others. It is far worse to face the fear of joblessness alone than it is with the help of others, particularly family, friends and coworkers. If you are the one losing your job you can tell people close to you that you need a lot of support right now and need a listening ear.

Dialogue/Bargaining: In this stage, individuals begin to feel a bit more hopeful and open to alternatives for taking action. You may have more of a desire to connect with others in similar situations or want to tell others your story. There are several job-search support groups available in the Twin Cities, where peers can help each other identify job alternatives, connect with potential employers and keep on applying for jobs. The Colonial Church of Edina has a weekly support group for job seekers. It includes tips for job seeking and featured speakers. Call (952) 925-5084.

In many communities around the state, as well as in the metro area, there are job search support groups. To find them, you might contact the local state employment agency office, your local United Way First Call for Help, or check local/community newspapers.

Its especially important to talk to your family about the situation directly and honestly. Express your fear without going into a lot of detail. Let everyone know things will be different for awhile, that this is a period of reflection and change and that everyone needs to pull together. Tell them when you want to talk and what you want to hear from them. Most people want to help but don't know how, so giving them some clues will be helpful to both of you. This, too, can be a positive experience of demonstrating how to cope with a family crisis.

Acceptance: When you have reached a place of acceptance, it doesn't mean that all negative feelings disappear. You may still have reason to be fearful or angry at times. However, these feelings are not overwhelming and you find that you can take positive action. You may even start finding the "silver lining" in the black cloud.

At any time in the process, if you feel your feelings are getting "away from you" (you are crying a good deal, feeling depressed for more than a week, not able to get motivated after some period of grief), contact a counselor and begin to talk out the problems. Try to keep in mind that few situations are hopeless. Human beings are at once fragile, yet resilient. We are incredibly adaptable to changes in our lives. At the University of Minnesota, the Employee Assistance Program is a great resource (http://www1.umn.edu/ohr/eap/).

Its not just the person who is being laid off that is affected. Families (partners, spouses, and even children) may experience the same stages of grief. The University of Minnesota Extension Service has some tips for coping with Family Stress.

1. Share what you know--good and bad--with your family. Make everyone a part of the family team.


2. Don't shelter anyone from worrisome news. Children don't need details, but they should know generally what their parents are worried about. Not knowing is worse than knowing!


3. What children imagine their parents are worried about may be far worse than the worst news you can tell.


4. Not knowing can also freeze you and your family in place. Ambiguity causes depression and prevents you and others from making decisions.

The University of Minnesota Extension Service has a helpful website (http://www.extension.umn.edu/distribution/familydevelopment/DE7614.html) with more information about helping families cope.

Others can be uncomfortable and unsure of what to say or do after finding out someone is losing a job. It is normal to want to move away from painful situations, even when it's not our pain. However, many people want support from others. If you are close to the person experiencing the lay-off you should approach the matter directly. Express your regret and then offer support. Listen without offering advice, unless it's asked for. It's okay to intrude if the person is withdrawing or isolating her/himself or if you think he or she is looking sad or hurt.

Getting the facts
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