Parenting Parenting Research

Conceptual Framework: Authoritative Parental Socialization Practices

Research and meta-analyses over the years have emphasized that the interplay of two aspects of parents’ behavior toward their children are critical. (Schaefer, 1959; Straus, 1964; Baumrind, 1971; Rollins & Thomas, 1979; Maccoby & Martin, 1983,; Steinberg et al, 1994; Gray & Steinberg, 1999)

• Parental responsiveness (love, warmth, nurturance) refers to the extent to which parents respond to the child’s needs in an accepting, supportive manner.
• Parental demandingness (discipline, control) refers to the extent a parent expects and demands mature, responsible behavior from the child.

Parents vary on these dimensions. Some parents are warm and accepting while others are unresponsive or rejecting. Some parents are demanding and expect a great deal of their child, while others are permissive and demand very little. The four parenting styles created by the interface of high and low parental responsiveness and demandingness are shown in the following graphic.

• Parents who are responsive but not at all demanding
  are permissive.
• Parents who are equally responsive and demanding
  are authoritative.
• Parents who are demanding but not very responsive
  are autocratic.
• Parents who are neither demanding nor responsive
  are unengaged.

Actually, there is one more variable that we have come to consider equally important as responsiveness and demandingness, especially with parents of adolescents. It is implied in many of the writings on parental socialization practices but has been made explicit mainly in the work of Laurence Steinberg, Brian Barber, and their associates. They call this dimension "granting psychological autonomy".

(Barber, 1992; Gray & Steinberg, 1999; Steinberg, 1990; Steinberg et al., 1994) This concept brings some clarity to the control issue by distinguishing between behavioral and psychological control. Steinberg (1990, p. 274) notes that the child development literature indicates that "adolescents appear to be adversely affected by psychological control—the absence of psychological autonomy—but positively influenced by behavioral control or the presence of demandingness". Insufficient "behavioral control" deprives the child of adequate guidance and supervision and therefore places him/her at risk for developmental difficulties. One reason this third dimension—granting psychological autonomy—was overlooked in much of the socialization literature is that that literature consists largely of studies of young children. This dimension does not emerge as a critical variable until children reach early adolescence – in today’s society about age 10 or 11—and need to begin the establishment of an independent psychological identity.

The Positive Parenting project’s conceptual framework elaborates five elements of parental behavior vis a vis their children, all of which are important contributors to children’s behavior and development. Each of these can be carried out in a variety of ways—which we have come to call "parenting tools". Briefly, these five elements of authoritative parenting are discussed below. Please remember that when we refer to the setting and enforcing of limits, we are referring to behavioral control, not psychological/emotional control. We believe that children need behavioral regulation and psychological autonomy (the latter being especially important to adolescents). Thus parents must establish and enforce rules and regulations and monitor their children’s behavior and companions, but should not intrude into the psychological and emotional development and expression of these offspring.

Parental example and modeling. Albert Schweitzer once said: "There are three ways we teach our children. The first is by example; the second is by example; and the third is by example." Psychiatrists Fritz Redl and Bruno Bettelheim have been equally adamant about the power of parental example. While we don’t agree that this is the only way we teach or influence our children, we do believe that what children become is probably most powerfully affected by the example set for them by those who raise them. Perhaps the most worthy discipline lies in providing a solid framework of ideals—for the child to live up to and for the parents to live within.

Nurturance. Research by Pruett (1987) of families in which fathers, during the early years of at least one child, were the primary caregivers with mothers going off to work found that these children on average were performing above national norms on all aspects of development. This is not because fathers are better mothers than mothers, although he found fathers can do it. Rather, Pruett’s research emphasizes just how powerful is that array of behaviors we have come to call nurturance. Generally, children in these families with working mothers and stay-at-home fathers were getting essentially two full doses of nurturance. In the various other family forms this rarely happened..

Nurturance has several facets and can be provided in many ways. Among these central facets is involvement, support, attention, communication, and respect. Giving more attention when a child’s behavior genuinely pleases and less when it does not is the essence of positive discipline. We would submit that virtually every child behaves at least acceptably well a much higher proportion of the time than s/he behaves badly. We would further submit that most of these children receive more attention for the minority of their "bad" behavior than for the majority of their "good" behavior. Thus parents are reinforcing the wrong thing. Our recommendation: "Catch your children being good". Then let them know you are aware of it and pleased by it. This "tool" takes little time or effort and no money.

The nurturance and discipline of children requires good communication –especially listening and an understanding of the process of perception. Probably nothing makes a person feel more cared about than to be listened to. Yet, parents tend not to be very good listeners to their children, for at least three reasons:

1) Parents and other adults tend not to take children’s and teens’ problems very seriously. 2) Intimates often become slipshod or lazy in their attentiveness, believing they have "heard it all before". 3) Caring so much about their children, "just listening" doesn’t seem like enough. Parents want to solve or take the problem onto themselves, and often resort too soon to advice-giving. One of the messages emphasized throughout the Positive Parenting curricula and training is that at some points in interaction with our children about their problems or concerns "just listening" is exactly what is needed and sometimes all that is needed. Active or reflective listening skills and "I-message" expression of one’s own feelings and needs are taught.

Of the many other nurturing strategies and tactics, three merit brief mention here. Someone has said, "Children spell love T-I-M-E." An interview study by Sam Keene a few years ago supports this epigram. He interviewed a few hundred school-aged children across the country, regarding their notions of what a "perfect parent" would be like. They agreed on two things. First, they wouldn’t want their parents to be "perfect", even if that were possible. Second, universally they said, in differing ways, a good parent would be available—to do things with you, to listen to your concerns and needs, to just "be there".

These children (and children in other studies) also value a sense of humor in their parents—to keep things in perspective and for fun. Finally, parents need to respect their children. Steinberg has observed that perhaps the surest single indicator of "granting psychological autonomy" (see above) is the showing of respect by parents for their youngsters’ ideas, interests, personality, and style.

Limit-setting. In day-to-day life, limit-setting and limit-enforcement cannot be separated. If a limit is not enforced, then effectively it is not a limit. And even children and teens recognize this (even though they may not often admit it to their parents). When asked by Keene what their parents did that "just drives them up a wall", the most frequent response was "when they don’t consistently follow-through with their requests, demands, or threats". This, many youngsters said, leaves them uncertain whether they should or should not engage in certain attractive behaviors. They said, "We shouldn’t have to wonder whether or not to do the things we probably should not do. Our parents should let us know clearly the important limits and boundaries (not every little thing) and consistently see that we do them."

Some limits or boundaries on children’s behavior are necessary: (1) so the child will know what is expected; (2) to protect the child and provide a sense of security; (3) to protect the rights and property of others; and (4) as a "vote of confidence" in the child’s ability and cooperativeness.

We separate limit-setting from limit-enforcement because there are a number of things about the ways parents set limits which make compliance with them more likely. Among these "rules about rules" are:

Explicit; clear (not vague); reasonable and developmentally appropriate; workable and enforceable; (reasonably) consistent; fair and just (not arbitrary); mutually agreed upon; flexible; emphasizing what to do rather just what not to do (instead of "don’t run in the street", say "play in the yard" or instead of "don’t hit your brother", say "use your words; tell him what you want".)

Monitoring. By monitoring, social scientists and parent educators mean, in simple terms: "Do you know where your children and teens are, who they’re with, and what they are doing?" Basically, monitoring has to do with boundaries and expectations for young people’s behavior when they are not in the immediate presence of their parents. Although an aspect of parental control, when done gently and in consultation with children, it also communicates to children that they are safe, secure, and cared about. Perhaps the most significant research on monitoring has been done by Small (1994) and his colleagues at the University of Wisconsin. Their study of more than 100 thousand teenagers in over 200 Wisconsin communities consistently found parental monitoring to be one of the most important factors in deterring adolescent problem behaviors such as early sexual activity, vandalism, and alcohol or drug use and in promoting positive developmental outcomes like school success.

Limit-enforcement. Most parents, when they think of child socialization or discipline or parenting practices, almost immediately think of punishment and many of these assume physical punishment (spanking, slapping, hitting). One purpose of the Positive Parenting project is to expand parents’ thinking about ways to nurture and discipline children. Punishment is one form of limit-enforcement and one that probably will be used at one time or another by almost all parents. But limit-enforcement includes many strategies and tactics other than punishment and if punishment is deemed necessary, there are many forms of punishment other than physical punishment. The Positive Parenting project identifies and teaches five elements of limit-enforcement:

Understand misbehavior. It is common for parents to assume a child couldn’t possibly have a good reason for some behavior the parents deem unacceptable. Parents are encouraged to remember that all behavior is caused; the child has what to her/him is a good reason for doing what they are doing at the time. Even if we are unable to identify the precise cause at the moment, remembering this adage helps parents to be more sympathetic and reminds them to look for causes. Among the many reasons for or "causes" of children’s behavior are: They may not know what is right or what will happen because of their behavior. They also may be curious, bored, want to be helpful, want to be independent, want attention, are frustrated or angry, feel insecure, are tired or hungry, are not feeling well, or are bursting with energy. These different reasons for child behavior require different approaches by parents.

Prevent misbehavior. A parent will never be able to prevent all misbehavior, but many specific undesired behaviors can be prevented with careful supervision and early intervention. Nurturance is perhaps the best prevention. A child who feels secure, comfortable, and cared about is less likely to engage in misbehaviors than is a child with low self-esteem or feelings of being unloved or unimportant.

Early interventions such as managing the environment (or child-proofing the home), distraction or re-direction, and giving transition time are important preventatives.

Reward good behavior. The importance of "catching children being good" and giving more attention for desirable behavior and less attention for undesirable behavior was discussed in the "Nurturance" section, above. Other forms of encouraging good behavior include rewarding small steps in the desired direction (rather than waiting until a skill or behavior has been fully mastered) and rewarding alternative behavior—rather than focussing only on correcting inappropriate behavior, also offer alternative acceptable strategies and reward them when used. When we refer to rewards, we are primarily referring to attention and explicit identification of the desirable behavior. Praise is not emphasized but parents are taught and encouraged to use "descriptive" rather than "evaluative" praise.

Guide them through misbehavior. This is the important educational aspect of child discipline. Some of the principles taught are: Be consistent. Use time-out as a calming procedure. Encourage children to think about their actions and their effects on others and allow them to experience logical consequences (and sometimes natural consequences) of these actions. This "victim-centered discipline" requires processing with the child her/his actions (what was being sought, what did they do, why may this be unacceptable, how are others affected by the action, what might be done instead).Teach problem-solving skills. In most cases, try to use do, rather than just don’t. Physically restrain (gently), if necessary. Ignore behaviors that aren’t likely to be repeated or that have insignificant consequences.

Punish judiciously and gently, but only if absolutely necessary. Punishment, though often used, is the least effective of all the many guidance and disciplinary tactics available and carries some potentially undesirable consequences. There are two broad ways of punishing: Doing something aversive or painful or taking away something rewarding. The Positive Parenting project takes a firm stance in opposition to the use of physical punishment and other demeaning and painful consequences and deterrents. Parents are reminded of other forms of punishment and taught their uses and effects—expressing disappointment, grounding (confining), penalties, (temporary) loss of privilege or attention, time-out/isolation, restitution.

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